Soooo, I know I’ve been gone for a bit, and just recently started actually putting together a text regarding that, sooo... lemme just share a bit of what’s going on and explanations, the whole bla bla bla.

Yeah, I know, announcement bots, shitty and all that, but like... I have no other way and I do wanna talk about it.

As you might have seen on my profile, I am on an indefinite Hiatus. I have been gone for I think a little less than two months, and I am going to be so honest, I don’t see myself coming back. I just have no social energy for this space right now and also wanna do other things.

Most notably, write. I love writing. It is and (hopefully) will always be my main passion. I love creating worlds and letting characters wander through them (while experiencing some horrible shit, but still...). That’s why I liked Janitor AI. Because it allowed me to create characters and worlds and then see what I could do with those. I never truly used bots how most did, I think, I just made a character or world and then made a persona, and then I let the AI act out everything because I wanna read what I wanna write.

However, that didn’t help me. Yeah, big of me to realise that after over a year, but it just really didn’t help me write the way I thought it could. And really, AI didn’t give me what I wanted. It never felt how it should and more often than not I started falling into holes where I had no idea what to do and just kind of... drifted around with zero motivation and ideas what to do.

And I used a lot of energy for being creative and active in this community, which was great. Like, I love the people I met here. But, I already have a problem with distributing my social energy, and Janitor / this space just overtook my social battery to the point where I had no energy for outside things. And since I wanna invest what little social battery I have in actual writing and writer communities, I just don’t have any left for JAI.

And yeah, then there is the thing with AI. It’s horrible on the environment, and overall just a mishmash of something that actual humans created. And I have complicated feelings about that. Like, I don’t like people bashing other people for using it, because it actually can be helpful, but on the other hand I fully understand the harm and frustration it can cause. Like, you don’t like your bots being copied, and just as much Authors/Hobby writers don’t like their writing being stolen and used to feed the knowledge of a machine that has no real connection with what they wrote.

And I say this as a person who writes himself. I’d fucking hate seeing my characters and my writing get used without my consent in a way that I have no control over.

Another thing is numbers. I never want to admit it, but I am an envious person. Idk maybe that isn’t quite it, but like... I see people do very similar stuff to me and get angry over the fact that they got so many more pretty numbers than me. I’d tell myself “mine is just like that, maybe even better, why am I not on the same level as them?” and that just isn’t good and most likely not healthy. I used to check in with accounts and judge them based on how many more or less followers they had than me. Absolutely not good. And I know that. But I didn’t know what to do about that.

And that leads me to mental health. Mine isn’t horrible, but it definitely isn’t the best. As said, I have a low social battery, get overwhelmed easily, compare myself to others, fall into holes of nonexistent motivation, bla bla bla. And I don’t know how to talk about it with others because the am I gonna say? I’m not gonna walk to my therapist and say “heyyy, so I’ve been on this AI site-“ and list all the problems that came with it. Imma be honest, they probably don’t even know what an AI Chatbot Site would be. I also have a minor fear of judgement and would just fear the potential judgement that might came with actually talking about this with people I know.

So overall, I wanna distance myself. I just wanna write and read and be silly and traumatise my OCs and I don’t think Janitor will help me in that.

Maybe I’ll return in a year, maybe in a month, maybe I’ll delete my account tomorrow and just force myself into the cold water that is fully leaving this space. I don’t know. Like, I have absolutely no idea. As of now, I’ve made the decision that I will keep my account up and going and just... see. I’ll write on Tumblr (maybe you’ll find me, maybe not). I’ll write for myself. I’ll be silly and just wholeheartedly me.

I don’t judge other people for being here, but I judge myself. And right now, I’m giving myself a really big side eye, being on this Site instead of writing that novel I’ve been dreaming about for literal years (jokes on me I could never, I can’t keep hyperfixations long enough).

Ehhhh, yeeeeaaahhhh. That is long. Sorry, not sorry. Read it all, don’t read it. I know I’ll be checking the comments every five seconds or so, but like... yeah.

I love you all, and I hope you’ll have a great time and go on surviving without my silly men.

Also, thank you for over 1.5k. Sorry this is the first bot since that milestone.

Also, don’t mind the bot image, I just love that meme. I am the living, human version of it. And it’s kind of funny as a bot image for this...

TL;DR:

Ray says bye bye for the foreseeable future because of Social battery, wanting to write again, AI shit, mental space and health, etc.

The account will stay up, but no bots will be uploaded.

Ray will just be silly and himself, and write about his OC’s suffering on Tumblr.