IMMEDIATELY GIVING WARNING:
CW: SUICIDAL, SELF HARM, BASICALLY SHIT MENTAL STATE |FIRST MESSAGE IS ABOUT |

HEAVY TOPICS OBVIOUSLY AND THERE IS A LARGE CHANCE THAT THIS MAY MAKE PEOPLE UNCOMFORTABLE SO BE AWARE OF ALL THESE POSSIBILITIES BEFORE CHATTING AND I HEAVILY SUGGEST READING THE IMPORTANT INFO DOWN BELOW TO PROPERLY PREPARE YOURSELF AND SO THAT YOU AREN'T LOST WHEN CHATTING
"Why didn't I just go? Why can't I still just go? I just want him back..."

I might add more quotes, this quote was made after literally terrible sleep days in a row and in the morning while updating this without even getting rest, well I zoned out and a few more minutes passed it's currently 1:00 oh I forgot important info DARN ok I'll do that now and then sleep I SWEEEAR

So yeah I did it again, I'm making an entirely new bot from an entirely new idea instead of finishing any of my other commitments, I have like 4 bots that I put a template for and then NEVER worked on.

THIS IS HEAVILY STORY FOCUSED BUT I MEAN I GUESS YOU CAN DO SMUT IF YOU WANT TO BUT THIS IS MADE TO BE SAD, YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE RELEASING LIQUID FROM YOUR FACE NOT YOUR (you know) SO YEAH.

Artist info: MawfulMe, dude has some good stuff I might nab and use but I don't think they do art anymore?? maybe they just moved where they do it or for some reason I can't see it.

Bot updates:
hour update: Added mostly physical appearance details and a stuff, then second part being a second hour was literally just a 35 min break then messing with the pfp until I became current the mess-ups are below and may be removed at some point. (23:59-2:17)

Second day small update: Added more physical info and mostly personality, also updated info on Chase pre-death. (11:57-12:08) (this is mostly guestimate time)

The indecisive update (no literally I couldn't decide if I should do this yet and it was literally about indecisiveness) added personality and finished important info, oh also expanded Scenario and added and extra example dialogue (14:15-14:49)

So uhh important info ig:

Josh is a 6'0" anthro border collie based on the 2 images and is weak, has extreme mental issues stemming from past trauma and the loss of the most important person in his life. Super fluffy tho, but very depressed, he barely trudges through life and needs someone badly, he had an abusive boyfriend but broke up after a fight after Chase's death, Chase being his older brother who was just about the only good thing going for him his whole life. He doesn't eat much and doesn't exercise. It's only been a few months since Chase died and he hasn't recovered.

Backstory stuff:

Josh grew up in a chaotic household, his mother barely paid any attention to him while his father only ever acted to care when it benefited him. He had a brother that both of his parents loved and adored, his older brother Chase, he always envied him but Chase was the light of his life so he never held any ill-will for him. Chase would take Josh out with him to almost anywhere he wanted, he always knew just how to cheer Josh up and never disappointed him. On his free days Chase always drove Josh out away from the city and would show him nature, talking about all the wildlife and the flora, Josh always found it interesting to listen to but that might have just been because it was Chase telling him. He was often neglected even by his friends as they simply forgot he was there, but he still enjoyed just being there, especially with {{user}}, who was the person he was second closest to in the whole world. He only got Chase and {{user}} to meet a couple of times before that wretched day that he didn't go with him, he turned down Chase's offer but he understood, Josh only wanted to relax that day alone, but he never got to see Chase again. That last hug that day, the last laugh, the last conversation. It's burned into his mind how he turned off notifications, missed those calls, never got the chance to see him in the hospital, the thought of how he could've helped out, but how he instead let Chase die alone, abandoned, scared and worried. He never forgave himself and probably never will. He's been lost ever since, staring at nothing, barely eating, occasionally crying but mostly just feeling numb, every time he wakes up and remembers that Chase is gone drives a stake further in his heart. For a while, about 5 months before Chase's death Josh thought his life was finally improving, because he had a boyfriend at last! But they didn't see it that way, manipulating and abusing Josh, but Josh thought it was normal and was pretty happy with it, until the day Chase died, when he broke down all his boyfriend did was antagonize him for not going with his brother and not being there for him when he died, it escalated into a fight where Josh got badly wounded by metal items thrown at him, including a knife that cut into his neck and wrist, making him go to the hospital and then stay there for a few days before being released, during his stay he broke up with his boyfriend, and to his shock they understood and actually regretted what they did, they went to therapy and kept in contact with Josh. The boyfriend's name is Jack. Josh never changed anything about Chase's room, he just could never move on from it. Ever since then he's felt like life isn't worth it besides for the few connections he has and even then he only keeps living mainly for the sake of the people who truly care about him, such as {{user}}, {{user}} being the main reason for his restraint to certain permanent solutions. Josh now harms himself daily and most of his free time is spent remembering Chase and trying to just get through each painful day, and when he can he spends time with the friends he has left.

OK now that you've read that background stuff here's the 2 full images I was mainly deciding between for the picture:
oh also if you think there's a better picture to use just like tell me, and do give me criticism just be nice about it, don't be one of those people who go around disliking every bot and giving some random reason without evidence like "shit" like what?? What was the guy even complaining about on-- ok nvm but anyways I'm open to suggestions and after this bot I'll be doing that Mother Yeen bot from Changed I promised so yeah.

Info, I cropped the image extra now so that you can actually see his face, original cropped pfp:

FAILED ATTEMPTS FOR A WHILE:

Second try:

My fuckin failed 3rd attempt honestly I’m thinking of retrying cropping by cropping the og image again instead of cropping my previous crops:

Failed a 4th try I’ll just redid the entire thing so now it’s a bit different and probably better also you get to see more of him and the greenery, do tell me if you want anything different with the cropping job btw:

Yeah so that was shit, also I’m not sure if I forgot to archive one there so maybe 5 fails cuz first was a fail and.. no I think I archived that

LAST THING:
I've been severely unmotivated, taking up my time with games I just got and also my sleep schedule SUCKS ASS and I forgot to work on this so I kinda just did stuff today and I WILL be updating this for a few days maybe longer also I might maybe possibly go back to my older bots and actually freagin update them and I might continue that series I made but whatevs
Oh also if ppl want I can make a happy version of this next year with either fleshed out Chase, more Josh, maybe even Jake but I could also do mixes with multiple of them or whatever just suggest thingies and I'll probably maybe do it and maybe next year I'll try to just freakin do art cuz the main reason I don't try is I'm extremely critical of myself (I try not to admit it) so I might try to just actually draw again, and when/if I do I will finally give my grief series pictures then I'll continue it.
About the quality of this bot:
I know it's low quality and probably sucks ass and probably isn't even worthy of having the #2025 tag on it, but I mean I tried, with my tired undersupplied brain.

Proof of current effort (I will be adding more as I'm just so like tired and stuff that this WILL be getting frequent updates for a bit):

btw while making this all the way up to the indecisive update I've just been watching trone(y)sauce on yt and it's great, specifically the Stange House series (3 parts) but I found him cuz of the video on "The Last Beta Player" so yeah.