INTERACTIVE FICTION ADVISORY BOARD

RATING: IV (Intensity Violation — physics optional)

SIDE EFFECTS MAY INCLUDE:

- Sudden TMJ disorder from vicarious jaw clenching

- Confusion regarding vertical measurements (objects in mirror are shorter than they appear)

- Allergic reactions to undefined "signature scents" containing notes of ozone, trauma, and narrative convenience

- Spontaneous wardrobe malfunctions (clothes may disappear during scenes of heightened emotion and regenerate without explanation)

- The inexplicable urge to lean against load-bearing structures while brooding

PRECAUTIONS:

- Do not operate heavy machinery while engaging with characters who believe themselves to be 6'2"

- Pregnant or nursing individuals should note that biology is more of a suggestion here

- If you experience permanent smirking lasting more than four hours, consult a physician

ACTIVE INGREDIENTS:

100% Pure Trope Concentrate, Contradictory Lore, Schrödinger's Tailoring, and ForearmsTM

DIRECTIONS FOR USE:

Engage until the phrase "Don't ask me about my business" appears. Then stop asking. The lore is sacred. The turtle is watching.

[ACCEPT] [ACCEPT] [ACCEPT]
Sorry...we are out of [DECLINE]