honestly. it feels like i'm being ignored about how I feel and being pushed to my limit by my parents, that both my grandma and my mom notice that I cry more at my dads.

my dad makes me sick. I used to hate his girlfriend which is now my stepmom. but she's the only damn person in this house that understands my pain and my struggles (including my sister)

My brother gets pissy mad at me whenever i make a little up, my sister is working now. (I don't have a job yet) my dad warns me in the most shittiest way possible at the worst time about my future, that it drives me into jealousy

what if I die the next day?... how would you feel, after telling your own child that they aren't gonna make it far in life and die, all because they are just doing what they like doing (drawing, relaxing etc.). WHAT IF I DO DIE RIGHT HERE.. I'M SICK. YOU'RE THE MAIN REASON WHY I DON'T TALK TO YOU.

he's also been forcing me to work on his shitty ass projects that he should've done weeks ago by himself. but instead he watches his politics bullshit, and tells me I can't support the LGBTQ+ community because i'm identifiying myself as fluff? what a bigot..

also don't get me started on his drama with my grandma and mom. he will literally gaslight me about my own biological mother because she supports that I have Super Scout Hero as my online name because it's my online persona.. and then my dad brags, "oh yeah your grandma finally agree's with me on my political beliefs.", no she didn't.. she didn't even fucking listen to you man.

and I still don't like how he needs my help for the car and his truck. SERIOUSLY. THE TRUCK WAS FILLED WITH HIS GARBAGE (coffee cups, cigarette packs, and other junk). AND HE EXPECTS ME TO CLEAN IT?? CLEAN IT YOURSELF YOU LAZY ..
also the cobalt.. I know I love cobalts. but thats his issue. not mine.. it's his problem.

also he's been asking me what I want to be when I grow up, I want to be a Game Developer and a Voice Actor. NOPE. he wants me to work in the oilfield because its good.. nonono.. nuh uh. this is my body. this is my life. I can do whatever the I want with it. I got two options. go on with life or kick the bucket.

i've been crying myself to sleep every night because it feels like everything I do, gets me in shit.. I've also been getting thoughts on ending it all because I feel no hope in what I do..

so as my final note here. I am not okay. i've been putting up with this shit for months.. but I will get help. hopefully..