I'm just gonna yap

I don't really know what I wanna do.

Like, life, and here.

I kind of feel like I don't need anyone, yet I keep feeling like I wanna connect to people. Like I was adamant about not having an X or Discord, but then I made one for this persona/account.

I keep wanting to use other people's bots on here and support them with favs and chats and all that, but then I also would rather use my own bots.

I'll have great ideas for like, fantasies that I feel like I can't play out IRL, and then I make them, and they aren't even fun, so I don't even work on them, or public them.

I need a new job, but I don't know what is even remotely fun to do. I feel like I don't have any new skills or anything. I've always been bad at that stuff.

Life is short. I need to figure out things I ACTUALLY wanna do.

I dread connecting to people 'cause it always feels like their scope is so small with everything. Like I can get along with people but one thing happens slightly wrong and it's soiled somehow.

I've also been doing a LOT of self-discovery. Cementing a lot that I already knew. Replaying a lot of scenarios I've gone through, learning about myself and other people, and how I fit in (I don't really feel I do. Ever).

It's weird. I have friends, but I feel like I don't, and like I need more or something. And like I need to network, but people who want to network aren't generally people I like. I've just been overthinking probably. People have told me things like "You'll like this thing, if you keep doing it" and I used to keep doing the thing, but I've never liked it. I don't like hanging out with people, but I like having them as friends, things like that.

Also, I really find myself missing a lot of old creators' bots. Before a lot of the NSFW purge. And well, after even. People leaving for various reasons. It was like a lot of creators I was really looking forward to their creations, now it's only a handful. It feels weird. Like when you're at a job, and everyone who started before you or with you has all quit. I don't even know these creators (I don't really want to) but I miss their work.

I was trying to put that into a bot to interact with but haven't really been successful. I also really dove into bot creation. Like people will give a big bot making guide and be super technical and all, and I really like that. I love going into those and really learning. BUT the ones I chat with a lot are like:

"Woman is mean. She's like, Really mean. She's mean to everyone."

When I actually look at the personality, it's like 100 tokens but extremely replayable and idk why.

I've also really thought about just including the image gen prompts for a lot of the characters I make in the future maybe? Like I'll chat with someone's bot and then be like "I wish I could see them in this or that kind of clothing" or whatever. So it could be fun to add somewhere. I haven't really figured out how to do that, minimal effort. I don't like doing too much tbh.

ANYHOW, that's the update from the DoomShow. Thanks for watching and listening. Hope they actually add a LIKE button on this site so your favs aren't filled up with stuff you can't interact with or whatever.