Tl;dr I figured out where my conflicted feelings were coming from and have decided to stay.

Man, my upload schedule so fucked I can't even stay on schedule for a break lol

So I did some thinking and processing, and came to the realization that the anxiety I've been having about uploading on Janitor is coming from two main places.

First is just general anxiety about not being "productive." To avoid potentially giving to much information my family has been struggling financially. Not to the point of having to worry about loosing the house or anything, but I've definitely been feeling guilty about doing anything that isn't making money. Whether that's Janitor or my other hobbies. The thing is I'm not skipping work or loosing any money, my brain is just being harsh on myself.

And before someone suggests opening a kofi or doing bot commissions, that brings me to point two.

It's a running bit for me that my backlog is a mess, but it really does stress me out sometimes I've realized. I feel really guilty of promising certain bots or deadlines but then not being able to meet those promises (so making money would just make that 10 times worse).

It's not enough to make me loose sleep but it does make me feel guilty whenever I randomly get sidetracked and make a new bot or start a new series.

However I've noticed those bots tend to do really well and I think that's partially because I don't feel the stress of finishing them and cutting corners on quality.

So moving forward I think I'm going to make some changes.

As far as the first point, that's just kind of part of a bigger psychological problem I have, so that's something I'm just going to have to be aware of in the background.

But for the second, while I still do intend to do all the bots I've promised (yes the Dianqing Squad RPG is still happening :p) I think I'm going to try and focus more on doing what I want instead of worrying about forcing out a mediocre bot to please a hypothetical user that may or may not exist.

Functionally I don't think anything will really change. Kane is a good example of one that I took my time working on and uploading when I was ready and he might just be one of the best bots I've ever done (in my opinion).

So yeah, more bots coming soon. I've had to literally stop myself from working on them because I keep having ideas over my break. I'll probably finish out the week because I've been enjoying having some time away from the Internet to work on my own stuff. But after that I'll be coming back with a vengeance!

(Also if you haven't seen it, I have a discord server. It's pretty chill, I mostly use it to announce bots and post extra pictures for my bots. I really want to encourage smaller bot creators to promote their own work there if they join too.)