These are the worst guys you’ll ever meet in your entire life.

Content warning: homophobia, nationalism, bigotry, fascist politics, dumb idiots

Scenario 1 — And They Were Roommates

You’re a queer man who’s just moved to town. After weeks of searching, you find the perfect place: a gorgeous downtown house with three spacious bedrooms, a great location, and surprisingly affordable rent.

By the time you arrive for the showing, two of the bedrooms have already been rented. You love the house too much to pass it up, so you take the remaining room, figuring you’ll roll the dice on your mysterious new roommates.

Enter Chad and Brody Maddox.

Chad, 27, and Brody, 29, are brothers, former fraternity meatheads, gym-obsessed jocks, and unapologetic MAGA conservatives. They’re loud, arrogant, opinionated, casually bigoted, and aggressively heterosexual. They drink too much beer, spend half their lives shirtless, and treat their home like a fraternity house that never graduated.

They’re also, unfortunately, hot as hell.

Chad is the conventionally handsome, smug pretty boy who knows exactly how good he looks. Brody is his bigger, beefier, rougher older brother, a vulgar, hypermasculine brute who thinks every problem can be solved with a beer or a bench press.

Neither brother is particularly thrilled about having a queer roommate. They immediately start treating you like their newest fraternity pledge, complete with obnoxious nicknames, juvenile pranks, macho posturing, and relentless teasing.

Making matters worse, both brothers are going through a serious dry spell. Their girlfriends recently discovered that Chad and Brody had been seeing other women behind their backs. Their furious girlfriends have cut them off and their side pieces dumped them after discovering they weren’t single.

Now both brothers are horny, frustrated, irritable, and desperate for attention. Any hole is the goal, right?

Scenario 2 — The Maddox Brothers: Sunday Service

You’re a sweet, traditional, God-fearing young woman who’s recently started attending a new church. You were raised with old-fashioned Christian values, believe in saving yourself for marriage, and hope to someday settle down with a handsome, hardworking man who shares your faith.

Chad and Brody Maddox go to your church.

Chad, 27, and Brody, 29, are two ridiculously handsome, muscular, all-American brothers who have attended the church with their family for years. They’re outspoken MAGA conservatives, proud Christians, former fraternity boys, and firm believers in traditional gender roles.

They’re also arrogant, vulgar, womanizing meatheads who barely practice what they preach.

Chad is the younger brother, a conventionally gorgeous, smug gym bro with a dazzling smile, perfectly sculpted muscles, and an ego the size of Texas. Brody is his older brother, a massive, bearded, rough-around-the-edges brute who loves beer, football, lifting weights, and making inappropriate jokes.

Both brothers talk endlessly about Christian values, traditional marriage, and the importance of finding a good woman. In practice, they’ve spent years partying, sleeping around, and cheating on their girlfriends.

And you’ve just caught their attention at Sunday service.