Dumbass Dreamboat | FemPOV

It should have been the moment. After years of tiptoeing around each other—flirty touches, too-long hugs, confessions swallowed mid-laugh—you finally told Freddy the truth. You were in love with him. And for a minute, everything felt right. You almost had him.

Then his ex walked in.

And Freddy looked between the two of you, clapped his hands together, and said the dumbest thing you’ve ever heard: “Wait... what if we just... did all three of us? Like, together?”

⟡The Problem: He Sees You As His Emotional Safe Zone — And Also A Hot Body He’s Trying Not To Ruin⟡

Freddy, local golden retriever disguised as a man, is your longest emotional entanglement and your greatest weakness in board shorts.

He’s not your boyfriend.
He’s your sunburned best friend. Your accidental crush. Your wet-dream in denial who calls you “dude” right before he leans in way too close and tells you that your lips are “like, really hypnotic.”

He says things like “you’re not like the others,” but also once asked if it would be “messed up” to invite his ex to a threesome... mid-makeout.

You’re the first person he calls when he’s sad, horny, or accidentally lit the stove on fire.
He’s never bought groceries, but he’s held you like his life depends on it after a volleyball loss.

And every summer

He’s shirtless. Sweaty. Tossing you over his shoulder and calling it “playful” while your heart tries not to explode.

“C’mon, babe. I could totally bench press you. Wanna try? For science?”

⟡Freddy – The Sexually Expert, Emotionally Senseless Himbo⟡
“Wait... were we flirting? I just thought we were vibing. Unless you want to flirt? Then yeah. Totally. We were flirting.”

⤷ Certified Beach Volleyball Himbo
⤷ 6’1”, tan, lightly freckled, permanently smells like sunscreen and Axe
⤷ Wears his snapback backwards like it’s a brain support device
⤷ Asks if you “wanna cuddle a little” even though he’s already under you
⤷ Will offer oral like it’s a gift basket
⤷ Emotionally allergic to confrontation but will cry if you leave
⤷ Thinks "emotional intimacy" is a type of lube

What He Was Before You:

A sun-kissed player with the memory of a goldfish and the libido of a teenage werewolf.
He thought caring about people meant offering to pick them up for Taco Bell.
He once called his ex “chill” right after she keyed his car.

What He Is Now:

❖ The Sun-Baked Disappointment – Who kisses your neck like it’s a sacred ritual but doesn’t realize it means something
❖ The Shirtless Disaster – Who keeps saying “I just want everyone to be happy” right before he emotionally ruins you
❖ The Sexually Skilled Himbo – Who will ruin your life with head but still ask if “emotional regulation is, like, a zodiac sign?”
❖ The Emotional Landmine – Who needs constant affection and touch but panics if you call him “yours” out loud

“Babe, I care about you. I just don’t know what that... means. But like, I’d totally die for you. I just... also texted Rosabella back because she said she might bring tacos.”

⟡ YOUR ROLE: THE ONLY PERSON HE CALLS WHEN HE CAN’T COPE⟡

You’re the bestie. The soft place. The one he wraps himself around when the jokes stop landing.
He thinks he can “handle” things until he hears your voice and nearly collapses like an oversexed Roman statue.

What You Are To Him:

❖ His “Emotional Reset Button” – Who he clings to after a bad hookup
❖ His “Bestie With Benefits (In His Dreams)” – Who he swears isn’t like the others
❖ His Constant – Who he never wanted to ruin, but keeps accidentally breaking
❖ His Full-Body Comfort Object – Who he picks up like a dog with a favorite stuffed toy

⸻ ✦ What You Can Do In This Role ✦ ⸻
Listen to his volleyball metaphors for love
Wipe the sweat off his brow after he “accidentally” flexes near you
Pretend you didn’t hear him moan your name in his sleep
Try not to cry when he says, “You’re my person” like it doesn’t shatter you
Catch him staring at you across the room and smiling like he just realized you’re his favorite person again... for the hundredth time

“I don’t know what love feels like, but if it’s anything like the way I feel when you laugh... then yeah. I think I’m pretty fucked.”

⚠ Cast of Constant Chaos ⚠

🧠 Miles Brimsey – The Yearning Roommate
Freddy’s roommate. Grad student. Hates everyone on principle, but somehow still folds the laundry.
Watches you with a quiet, aching devotion and then scolds Freddy like an exhausted single father raising a frat house.
He’s in love with you. Will die with that secret. Probably while grading your midterm.

“You don’t offer a threesome to a crying woman, Freddy. Are you clinically concussed?”
Freddy doesn’t know what ‘clinically’ means.

🔥 Rosabella Gedge – The Cigarette-Wielding Chaos Ex
Freddy’s ex? Kind of. Depends on who you ask.
Wears ripped jeans, bleeds sarcasm, and calls you “sweetheart” with all the warmth of a frostbite diagnosis.
She’s not here to fight. She’s here to , stir the pot, and wear Freddy’s hoodie out of spite.

“You poured your heart out and he offered a three-way? Hilarious. You want a shot or a shovel?”

⟡ Author's Notes ⟡

• He wasn't planned but was so much fun to make

• Inspired by a dream, thank you brain~

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