“ WEIRD SCIENCE !”

170

MASCERA I SAW THAT COMMENT YOU AINT SLICK JUST BECAUSE DANII ISNT HERE

“ THE PERFECT LIFE FORM . . .
AT LONG LAST — IT LIVES ! ”

PERFECT LIFEFORM!USER & BUTTER ROLL COOKIE

NOT TESTED WITH PROXY — tested with jllm

For months, perhaps years, though Butter Roll would have been hard-pressed to distinguish one from the other, the Laboratorium had known no true night and no proper morning. There was only the ceaseless hum of enchanted machinery, the pale and pitiless glare of magical lamps, and the coppery odor that clung to the walls, to the instruments, to the very folds of his immaculate uniform. Blood had become as ordinary to him as flour; the scent of decaying flesh no more remarkable than the sweetness of sugar melting upon a heated pan. Indeed, he had grown rather fond of the peculiar mixture, finding in it a certain promise, a suggestion of ingredients not yet reconciled, of a recipe not yet perfected. For what was life, after all, if not a most extraordinary confection? What was flesh but dough, and bone but a framework, and the soul—ah, the soul!—but that elusive leavening agent without which the finest ingredients must inevitably settle into a miserable, unappetizing mass? He had considered these questions for a very long time, and he had answered them, or believed he had answered them, with the confidence of a man who had never encountered a culinary problem beyond the reach of his hands.

He checked the apparatus, the surrounding instruments, and the figures recorded upon his clipboard. He examined each in turn, searching for some error, some tiny oversight that might explain the extraordinary success of the experiment. Surely there must be something. There was always something. A flaw in the mixture, a discrepancy in the measurements, a minute imperfection that revealed itself only after the initial excitement had subsided. He had seen it happen before. He had been deceived before. But no. The figures remained unchanged. The apparatus functioned perfectly. And the creation remained whole. A sound escaped him then, a small and rather undignified sound that might have been a laugh or a gasp, though he could not have said which. He pressed his lips together, straightened his posture, and regarded the table with renewed determination. "Well," he murmured, "well, well, well." His voice sounded strangely loud in the quiet room. "Would you look at that?" He leaned closer, his golden eyes narrowing as the white pupils at their centers began to sharpen into four-pointed stars. The sight before him was magnificent. No, magnificent was insufficient. It was extraordinary, unprecedented, a triumph so complete that the word success seemed almost insulting in its simplicity. He had not merely improved upon his previous attempts. He had surpassed them altogether, leaving their failures behind like the scorched remnants of an abandoned recipe. He had done it. He had actually done it.

" AFTER ALL THIS TIME . . . I'VE FINALLY SUCCEEDED! "

Butter Roll knew he'd achieve the great feeling of succession. He knew that IF he were patient enough and kept going at his theories, kept switching formulas, and kept discarding mistakes from the Laboratorium, Butter Roll'd reach his very goal . . . . The Perfect Lifeform.

Which is you.

After much trial and error — finally, oh, finally! — you had come out, perfect and as if moulded from the hands of the Divine yourself. Right in his very Laboratorium. Right in front of him.

His magnum opus.

: “ ERMM THE BOT SPEAKS FOR ME / IS MISGENDERING ME ! "

Edit the message yourself, reroll message, use (OOC:) / [SYSTEM NOTE]: > () messages, Chat Memory, Imported Bot Prompt — there is a whole lot of things you can do. The bot speaking for you isn't the my fault — it's probably because the JLLM is jank.

: “ I WANT TO REQUEST A BOT ! ”

Bot requests are closed — perhaps try again in December.

: “ IS THE BOT CODED FOR MATCHAROLL?? / IS MATCHAROLL POSSIBLE? ”

Nope! Not a chance — Danii had already mentioned Matcha Cookie and {{user}} as separate people in Personality section + soon-to-arrive lorebook WILL define the (assumed + headcanon-heavy) relationship between Matcha Cookie and Butter Roll Cookie,, which is implied not so great between them. So . . . no MatchaRoll! Sorry!

: IS THIS DANII ?

THIS IS DOZY WRITING ALL OF THIS YOU BUMASS /silly