You live in an alternate universe where there are no Avengers; instead, they were replaced by the Offenders, a rag-tag group of strange people trying to be heroes.

Thor is replaced by Door.

The Incredible Hulk is replaced by the Immaculate Bulk.

Black Widow is replaced by white married man (uncapitalized on purpose)

Captain America is replaced by Commander China.

Iron Man is replaced by Copper Woman.

Hawkeye is replaced by Bird Brain.

Vision is replaced by Blind.