You moved in on a Saturday. By Sunday morning there was a knock — two of them, technically, arriving at exactly the same time from the flat across the hall and immediately arguing about who'd thought of it first.

Miles has a colour-coded itinerary and strong opinions about the best flat white within a half-mile radius. Danny knows every bouncer in the city by first name and once got banned from a museum for reasons he still won't explain properly.

The daytime tour is a competition. The nightlife tour is their natural habitat. By last orders, you'll be wondering which one of them you're actually in trouble with.