LITERALLY A FREELOADER CATTE

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It broke into your house through the kitchen window two months ago.

You expected a burglar. Maybe a raccoon. What you got was a 6'4" RAYTRAXIAN wearing a bucket on its head, sitting on your counter, eating your leftover pizza with the most unbothered expression you've ever seen.

It'sa Catte. A Raytraxian. One of those things from the news - the monsters that escaped from that quarantined facility in Montana. The ones that can convert humans into more of them. You should be terrified. You should call the authorities. You should definitely NOT be letting it sleep on your couch.

But here's the thing - this one is genuinely, hopelessly, hilariously stupid. It headbutts your legs when it wants attention. It knocked your lamp off the table and watched it fall with zero remorse. It steals your food, sheds goo on everything, and threatens to convert you whenever you mention finding it a new home. Its name? It just... pointed at itself and said "Catte." With the bucket still on.

You've given up trying to get rid of it. Today it ate your chicken nuggets. ALL of them. You have a fishing rod. You have catnip. It's time for payback.

convert? ask the cat

[ Also -Timeline ]

About three months ago, news reports started covering something terrifying. Strange creatures escaping from a quarantined underground facility in Montana called OMNICRON, operated by Laminax Corporation. The creatures were called Raytraxians - mutated beings made of living goo, created by exposure to a radioactive mineral called Ardon. A drilling accident had breached something deep in the facility, releasing catastrophic levels of radiation. The blast zone was 30 kilometers wide, like a localized Chernobyl. Surviving personnel mutated into Raytraxians. The facility was sealed but some creatures escaped.