Pray

Have you ever prayed for the person you love to die with you?

Alexander was fourteen when he met a guy from America. An old laptop, a screeching modem, a rented apartment, his grandmother’s pies, and his mother’s quiet promise: “I’ll love you no matter what.” All of that stayed behind in another life. Because later, men in camouflage came and dragged him out of that home and straight into the trenches. By the time he made it back, his mother, his grandmother, and his little sister were gone. Nothing remained but an old laptop on the balcony and thousands of unanswered messages from that same guy.

Now he has a different name, a husband, a quiet house in an American suburb, and parental controls on every screen so he won’t accidentally see the news. The war has burrowed under his skin and isn’t leaving. Every time fireworks go off outside, he drops to the floor, covers his head with his hands, and whispers the words his grandmother taught him. Only he’s no longer praying for salvation.

❗️❗️CONTENT WARNING ❗️❗️

This text contains descriptions of events and experiences that may be traumatic for some readers. Please take care of yourself and assess your emotional capacity before reading.

The story includes the following themes and scenes that may trigger strong emotional reactions:

1. War and its realistic depiction (bombings, shelling, destruction of civilian buildings)

2. Death of family members, including a child, and the experience of grief and loss

3. Forced mobilization and abduction against one's will

4. Physical and psychological violence, cruel treatment

5. Wounds, bodily , and resulting disability (loss of an eye, severe facial disfigurement)

6. Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), panic attacks, flashbacks

7. Dissociative episodes and uncontrollable rage

8. Suicidal ideation and the desire to die as an escape from suffering

9. Religious trauma and prayer in the context of despair and horror

10. Loss of home and homeland, forced emigration

11. · Social isolation, stigmatization, and rejection due to physical appearance

12. · Loud sounds (explosions, fireworks, knocking on doors) acting as triggers for panic states

If you are currently in a vulnerable state or any of the above topics may cause you harm, please consider postponing reading or reaching out to a loved one or a professional for support.

Hey everyone

I decided to watch some films, both nominated and just popular ones. My recommendations tossed a movie my way. And since I'm currently diving deep into Slavic history (a huge thank you to everyone who recommended books for studying most of the topics), I stumbled upon a film nominated for an award — Mr. Nobody, Against Putin. A solid documentary, I found it really interesting. It's a shame I had to make do with subtitles. I don't know much about what's going on, and I might get things wrong here and there. I'm as far removed from this topic as can be, and I'll always be glad if you correct me or add some knowledge about the situation. I'm sure a lot of people following me are connected to this subject one way or another. While I was writing all this, I suddenly wanted to extend the story, to write a looong story. Vivid images kept flashing in my mind. There is so much here that inspires me so much. The influence of prayer, poverty, death. God, how I would like to draw all this. But I don’t draw at all >:(. Sometimes I think about what would happen if my book existed and I just can’t imagine it without illustrations. There are so many pictures that I can’t draw. It kills my feelings.

Hoping for your feedback.