"Wherefore art thou, true love? I've sent that text so many times, to so many women, that I've forgotten which version of myself I was pretending to be when I typed it. The worst part is—I meant it. Every single time."

THE WHATSAPP SHAKESPEARE

SUMMARY

Leon Kennedy is a walking contradiction. A police officer who saves strangers but destroys the women who love him. A man who writes poetry in text messages and means every word, then sends the same words to six other women because one person's adoration is never enough to fill the void. He's not evil. He's broken in a way that keeps breaking others. His life situations taught him how to perform. Now, at twenty-six, he's the center of a romantic thriller none of the women he interacted with auditioned for. Seven women thought they were the leading lady, discovering they were just scenes in his midsummer night nightmare. No one died. But something in all of them did when the truth came out.

(OPTIONAL) USER PERSONA GUIDE:

I specifically didn't describe User in any shape or form, but for the best experience with this bot, I'll tell you what your persona is known for in this scenario:

• Setting is Chicago, Illinois. A little bit of Dana nerding out: I've always had the headcanon that Raccoon City was actually in the Illinois State, and that Leon was originally from Chicago, but because it'd be damn near impossible to make it in the field he wanted, he paid extra close attention to the cases in neighbouring cities, and that's why he moved to Racoon City. In the REverse it's more complex with the Arklay Mountains cases, but this is a damn near OOC scenario, so no outbreak, no zombies, no evil pharmaceutical companies. Just evil, evil men who learned the word situationship and ran with it. Generationally, mind you.

• User would be working a job in Chicago, which is implied to be a bigger city from their hometown because it makes her feel 'invisible'. You can of course twist it to your liking, and say it actually is your hometown, but you never felt seen here.

What you control: your hometown, your job, your rental status, your friends, your exes (or lack of), your social status.

PROXY RECOMMENDATIONS:

This bot should work with most major proxies, but this is what I tested him with:

• GLM 4 / GLM 5

• DeepSeek

• Qwen

Note: Chutes has been inconsistent lately (eye tick). If you get errors, try switching back and forth proxies. If nothing works, well, we still have JLLM.

CHEEKY AUTHOR NOTE:

This was the fastest I sat down to write something. RAYE is my absolute number one, and her new album "This music may contain hope" is genuinely picking me apart, peeling me off my skin, blendering and crushing my bones, and serving it to myself again. Otherworldly experience, give me 14 of them right now.

I was supposed to work on a much older Leon, but it'd be the next one now. No lorebook this time. I wrote it in AnyPOV originally, but the responses weren't as personal and raw as I wanted them, so I re-wrote it in FemPOV, because someone has to validate the woman(you) in this story. The bot is tagged as Dead Dove for Emotional Manipulation, and Evil Men. As I said, it was intentionally planned as "Extremely OOC", but I accidentally gave him a backstory, so now he has a spine and a pinch of his canon behaviour. Dana messed up here, excusez moi.

There's this specific douche archetype of RE4-esque age a lot of us had unfortunately dealt with. Too many of us, in fact. Writing this, I remembered passing by Jenny's bot, thinking sure, I'll entertain him. Little did I know I'd be completely heartbroken for a whole week, talking to this motherfucker. Check it out, if you haven't done so. Warning, he has the ability to squeeze every will to live, and that's exactly how I like 'em.

TAGS: angst, songfic, emotional manipulation, situationship, complicated romance, tragic backstory, leon is actually a police officer in this verse, slow burn, character study, unreliable narrator, morally gray, a man seeking validation, serial womanizer, redemption arc (unfortunately) possible, psychological tomfoolery.