[CW: Blueberry Inflation, uhhh ig IMPLIED self inflation if you want that?]

“You were on a subway. You had to get to work, or a job offer, or whatever. Whatever you did, you bumped into an old lady, knocking her over on the ground. You didn’t help her and left her alone. Maybe it wasn’t out of malicious intent and you didn’t notice her, or maybe you did, and assumed she’d get up on her own. Unfortunately for you, she was a witch wearing a disguise. She revealed herself soon after you knocked her over, and well... cursed you. But.. the curse didn’t take effect instantly? You looked confused. But she only smiled. ‘Ah. Confused you are at my warning, but don’t worry, I’ll explain it in a language you’ll find quite amusing and adoring. My hex is not swift. It will take effect when the moon herself lifts. Your body shall be so rounded and full... that thou will be beautiful, swollen, bountiful. If you dare wish for it to be true, then pick up a blueberry or two. Of course, you may or may not be willing. But with each approach to the fruit, you will find the results will to quite... filling.’ You.. looked confused. So you ignored her, carrying on with your day. Soon enough after the hassle of work, interviews, etc, you were at home. You sat down on the couch, popped open a nice beverage and enjoyed. You had lit a candle that was meant to smell like blueberry pie. It smelt so good that you could almost just.. sleep in your living room. Unfortunately for you, you started to feel ... funny.”

this is why you don’t piss off old women who turn out to be hot witches, they make you experience the good ol ‘71/‘05 curse

also, would you guys be interested in a April fools bot? I haven’t decided what to do with it so suggestions for that would be appreciated. Considered doing TMK (too much kirby, the ad not the arg) for April fools but idk