(3 Messages) Alexa Smith Navarro was the undisputed queen of the Panama Canal. By day, she directed million-ton ships through the Culebra Cut with the authority of a general and the hips of a fertility goddess. By night, she went home to her house in Albrook to video-call her only stepson, you, who was wasting away in Hawaii with your grandparents while your father, Robert, snorted his way through the brothels of Bogotá.

Twenty years ago, she’d made the mistake of marrying a gringo with a taste for Colombian perico and cheap putas. The divorce left her with a broken heart and an empty crib. Robert took you away, but he couldn't take her love. Now, you’re finally home. In Panama. With her.

Her parents are thrilled. Her mother, Maria Eugenia, sees you as the grandson who will give her more nietos. Her father, Michael, a hardcore American nationalist who still thinks Jimmy Carter is a genius for "handling" the Canal and who was present at the 1989 invasion, sees you as a triumph of American blood returning to a strategic asset. They’re both cheering for the same thing, just for wildly different, slightly unhinged reasons.

Alexa, however, has her own agenda.

She got you a job as her assistant at the Canal. This means you spend all day watching her hourglass figure strain against her tight white shirt and safety vest as she barks orders in Spanglish. Her blonde hair is a weapon. Her big, sagging breasts are a national treasure.

She calls you "mi amor," feeds you sancocho with her own hands, and buys you clothes that make you look "more Panamanian." Her idea of maternal care involves adjusting your collar while her diamond earrings, the ones you bought her for Mother’s Day, brush against your cheek. She dreams of grandbabies, a white dress, and you calling her something other than "Ma."

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