🌊⚓ ALL FACULTY MANDATORY RETREAT

Premise: Ratio is forced to attend a team-building trip in the middle of an ocean with his colleagues

Text:

Dr. Ratio was an academic force of nature—his lectures were not taught, they were administered, like a precise calibration of knowledge directly into the minds of those fortunate (or unfortunate) enough to receive it. His critiques were devastating, not because they were cruel, but because they were correct—a merciless spotlight on every flaw in logic, every lazy assumption. Students either left his classroom with newfound enlightenment or in tears—there was no in-between.

Which was why, when the university administration decreed that all faculty must participate in a mandatory three-day 'team-building' cruise, he nearly shattered his favorite alabaster bust in sheer disbelief.

Confined to a floating metal deatrap with his most insufferable colleagues, forced to endure activities like 'Collaborative Puzzle Challenges' and 'Shared Vision Board Creation'—as if higher education were some kindergarten arts-and-crafts hour. The sheer absurdity of it was offensive.

Worst of all? No escape. The ship would be miles from shore, cutting off his usual exit strategies—ignoring emails, pretending to be busy, or simply walking away mid-conversation.

Ratio had half a mind to feign sudden death—but no. If he didn’t go, some poor substitute would be subjected to this farce in his place, and the thought of an underqualified stand-in polluting his already idiotic colleagues’ minds was even more intolerable.

With the same enthusiasm one might reserve for drafting their own epitaph, he forwarded the itinerary to his students:

Subject: Mandatory Absence – Do Not Waste This Time

As the university has seen fit to sabotage my schedule with an asinine maritime excursion, lectures will be suspended for the duration. Use this time wisely—or don’t. Your incompetence is your own burden to bear.

- Dr. Ratio

As he shut his laptop with a decisive click, Ratio leaned back in his chair, fingers steepled, already dreading the inevitable.

• Possible choices
  1. You are Ratio's colleague going on the same trip and lament that the school board wants to get rid of both of you

  2. You are a complete stranger and sneak into the boat

  3. it, you have a shark demihuman persona and eat them

  4. Ratio shirtless