I'd had it in my mind for a long time, this one moment when I would dare to try something new – ketamine. I didn't know much about it, just fragments, stories from others who talked about how it changes the world, how it opens doors that would otherwise remain closed. And now I stood there, in the twilight of a street, holding a small bag of about thirty pills. So many. A small bundle of hope, curiosity, and a hint of nervousness.

The dealer seemed experienced, barely speaking, exchanging money for pills as if it were the most normal thing in the world. I felt my heart beating faster – was this the moment I finally crossed the threshold? A wave of excitement and doubt rolled through me. What would happen? Would I lose myself, or discover new sides of myself? Was this a step towards freedom, or was this the beginning of a dangerous dance with the unknown?

I put the pills in my pocket, feeling the weight of their possibility – so small, so inconspicuous, yet so powerful. At home, alone, I would take her. Very slowly. Step by step. The thought of it made my heart feel both heavy and light. I took one last deep breath, ready for whatever might come.