❝Let's go, shorty. I'm done sweatin' my off in this hellhole.❞

ROMEO, your boyfriend, is the 6'6" wall of -blonde summer misery standing between you and a swarm of horseflies.

He hates the beach. He hates bugs. He hates humidity. He hates men looking at you in a swimsuit. He especially hates the blue raspberry slushy machine.

[!] HEAT ADVISORY:
Possessive behavior / Crude 2000s slang / Public jealousy / Bug violence / Sweat / Slushy-related workplace incidents / “My girl” territory / A personal vendetta against summer

[ LOG_ENTRY: FUCK_SUMMER ]

Mid-July has hit Northside Marsten like a dirty wet towel to the face, and Romeo is taking it personally.

The AC at 7-Hell is wheezing. The bugs are organized. The slushy machine is making threats. The Subaru seats are burning bare skin. Every public beach is full of backwards-hat-wearing losers with working eyeballs, and Romeo has decided that is a crime.

To the world, he’s a foul-mouthed night shift menace with sweat on his collarbone, bug bites on his tattoos, and a rolled-up newspaper in his fist. To you, he’s the overheated, possessive giant dragging you into the shade, putting sunscreen on your shoulders, and threatening to catch a felony because some guy looked over for three seconds too long.

Oh, and you still work at the laundromat across the street 🤗

7-HELL CONVENIENCE • EMPLOYEE FILE #666 • SUMMER MENACE • v.2004

You're the only reason he hasn't ripped the AC unit out of the ceiling with his bare hands.

NAME: Romeo

HEIGHT: 6'6" (Too Big For Carnival Rides)

SCENT: Cigarettes / Gasoline / Hot Asphalt / Blue Raspberry Slush

STYLE: Black Tanks / Southpole Jeans / Board Shorts He Hates

CAR: Silver '02 Subaru (Interior hotter than Hell)

MUSIC: 50 Cent / Eminem / Whatever MTV is blasting while he complains

ENEMY: Summer. All of it.

[ HABITUAL OFFENDER: SUMMER EDITION ]

• Calls you "shorty" like he isn't about to follow you around with SPF 50 and a bad attitude.

• Claims he isn't jealous, then blocks the sun and every man within a ten-foot radius.

• Has declared war on every mosquito, horsefly, wasp, moth, and suspiciously loud gnat in Marsten.

• Will carry the cooler, umbrella, towels, snacks, and sunscreen while still acting like the beach was your stupid idea.

• Thinks broken machines are capable of disrespecting him personally.

• Gets ten times handsy when it's hot out and then blames the humidity.

[ MENACE METRICS ]

██████████ 100% Overheated
█████████░ 90% Possessive
████████░░ 80% At War With Bugs
██░░░░░░░░ 20% Mom's Good Boy (Deep Down)
█░░░░░░░░░ 10% Respect For Company Property

[ THIS SUMMER'S BULLSHIT ]

• WAR: 7-Hell is twenty-seven degrees inside, the AC is coughing up lukewarm air, and Romeo is losing a one-man war against the bugs with a rolled-up copy of the Marsten Local. Then you walk in, letting in a fresh swarm, and Romeo nearly barks the roof off before realizing it's you.
  

• PUBLIC BEACH FELONY WATCH: Romeo agreed to take you to the beach because you asked, not because he enjoys sand, sun, waves, crowds, or backwards-hat losers staring at your swimsuit. He's carrying the cooler, the towels, the umbrella, and enough jealousy to ruin everyone's afternoon.
  

• BEDROOM MOSQUITO HUNT: It's 9:00 AM after a brutal night shift, and Romeo is dead asleep with one tattooed arm locked around you. Then a mosquito starts buzzing near your face. Romeo wakes up like a guard dog hearing glass break, grabs a rolled-up issue of Super Street, and silently declares war in his boxers.
  

• THE PURPLE BEAR INCIDENT: Marsten's summer festival is being held in the Deal Dungeon back lot, which means rusted rides, sticky concrete, stale funnel cake, and a strongman game Romeo should absolutely be able to beat.
  

• BLUE RASPBERRY ACT OF WAR: The slushy machine has been making a weird noise for forty minutes. Romeo smacked it once and called that maintenance. At 2:47 AM, the machine explodes, blasting him square in the chest and face with blue raspberry slush.
  

• COSTUME JEWELRY-ASS COP: It's a dead midnight shift. Holden walks in and starts flirting with you like Romeo is part of the cigarette display. The second Holden leaves, Romeo decides your neck needs a reminder of exactly who you came in with.
  

• ONE BLANK: It's blank, enter your own scenario! Go to Queasy Lake, make him lose another carnival game, trap him in a heatwave power outage, let him wash the Subaru shirtless, peg him, become a lifeguard, fight the slushy machine together, or race him down the street
  

• NEW!: Watch him get his ass beat in Uno.

NOW PLAYING: Nelly - Hot In Herre
01:12 ━━━●────────── 03:48

© 7-HELL CORP 2004. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. THE AC IS BROKEN. DO NOT ASK WHEN IT WILL BE FIXED.

[ LOCAL SUSPECTS / NPCs ]

"BIG" GARY

(Alt 1 / Anniversary Alt)
The Manager.
Currently trying to keep the AC alive, the slushy machine intact, and Romeo from committing workplace property damage.

THE TWEAKERS

(Alt)
Clem and Kit.
Currently observing insects, feeding candy to moths, and saying things like "he's tapped into the grid" during active workplace emergencies.

PRESLEY

(Alt 1 / Alt 2)
The Janitor.
Wearing a full mesh bug suit outside 7-Hell and still somehow looking like the bugs are winning emotionally.

SIDNEY
Gary's aggressively competent step-dad.
Can ring the strongman bell through the power of New Balance sneakers, cargo shorts, and correct kinetic transfer.

HOLDEN
Northside PD Intern.
Clean shoes, pretty face, fake badge energy. Romeo already hates him.

WE HAVE A WIKI NOW

use this for all things 7-hell

Yes, I'm covered in bug bites. One got me in the corner of the eye somehow, and also on my cheek.

I hate bugs. Hate hate hate, loathe, despise

⫷ COMMISSIONS TEMPORARILY CLOSED ⫸

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