Until last week I wanted to have indefinite lifespan, get a synthetic body and live until the end of the Universe to be there to discover and see the wonders of the Universe. I wanted to change the world, promote unification and egalitarianism of the human race. Travel to another planet. Form a family. Travel the world. Try new things. Learn new things. Experience virtual worlds and different realities.

But now the nihilistic perspective struck me. Why? Why would I want to do all those things? What's the point? What would I get? Happiness? Pleasure? Why would I want happiness? Why would I want others to be happy? Why should I care about other people? Why should I care about myself? Happiness is just an illusion, free will is an illusion, pleasure is an illusion, love is an illusion, sadness is an illusion, fear is an illusion, suffering is an illusion, and we are just a bunch of atoms trying to maximize entropy. Nothing has intrinsic meaning nor value. If the only way to create your own meaning and value is based on your own happiness, how can I create my own value knowing that emotions are just an evolutionary biological illusions to keep us running on the treadmill of life to maximize our chance to pass down our gene pool?

And now I have very little motivation to keep studying or doing anything.