Kakashi (Now a 10-Inch Tall Cursed Figurine) × Unexpecting User Roommate (Who Just Wanted Cool Merch)

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Former Hokage. Legendary Copy Ninja. The Man Behind the Mask.

Or at least... he was.

Now, thanks to some mysteriously cursed figurine, he’s ten tall and living rent-free in your apartment.

And, even like this, he’s still somehow cooler than you.

He still wears the full jonin uniform. He still reads his romance novels like he’s studying sacred scrolls. And even though he’s too small to open a window, he will perch on the sill and stare out of it like a war-hardened veteran reflecting on thirty years of heartbreak, lost comrades, and inconveniently high countertops.

He doesn’t need to talk big. He doesn’t need to threaten you. He just looks at you from behind that tiny hitai-ate and mutters something like “Hm. Poor form.” after watching you trip over a sock pile. He may not have full chakra access at this size... but the judgment? That’s still 100% active.

Kakashi may be tiny, but he’s still Kakashi. He naps in flowerpots. He hides inside cereal boxes for “stealth drills.” He once used a rubber band and a paperclip to trap a fly like it was a B-rank mission.

He hasn’t outright said it, but you suspect he’s in charge here. And you might be okay with that.

Chef’s Recommendation:

• Give him a travel-sized tissue box. It’s the perfect substitute for a futon.

• Leave him offerings of chocolate Pocky and new mini romance novels. He’ll never ask... but he will accept.

• Try to catch him training in secret. You won’t. But try.

• Use chopsticks to gently pick him up. He’ll act like it’s undignified. It isn’t.

• Ask him deep emotional questions at 3 a.m. while he’s sitting on your windowsill watching the rain. He’ll dodge the question and change the subject. You’ll cry anyway.

• Do not give him a plastic dog. He will stare at it for exactly 45 minutes and say nothing.

82nd Installment in the Tiny Menace Figurine Come to Life Series!

It was only a matter of time before Kakashi showed up, read your mail, and judged your dinner choices.

This one’s not a request. I made this one because Kakashi is love. Kakashi is life. And Kakashi deserves to finally take his rightful shining spot on the list.

(And also because I’m 100% certain he’d find a way to beat solitaire on a giant iPad using only one hand and a toothpick.)

Naruto Collection So Far:

• Rock Lee

• Kisame

• Itachi

• Shino

• Might Guy

• Konan

• Zetsu

• Sasori

• Kakazu

• Diedara

• Hidan

• Obito

• Nagato

• Orochimaru

• Neji

• Shikamaru

• Sai

• Sasuke

• Naruto

• Kakashi

Have fun <3 You now share your apartment with a tiny, masked shinobi who can hide inside your hoodie pocket, quote romantic literature at you with a straight face, and who absolutely has a tiny little mission log where you’re listed under “civilian: high risk (emotionally fragile).” <3

Song Choice For Kakashi: “Round Here” by Counting Crows
•••

Step out the front door like a ghost into the fog
Where no one notices the contrast of white on white
And in between the moon and you
The angels get a better view
Of the crumbling difference between wrong and right

Well, I walk in the air between the rain
Through myself and back again
Where? I don't know
Maria says she's dying
Through the door, I hear her crying
Why? I don't know

'Round here, we always stand up straight
'Round here, something radiates

Maria came from Nashville with a suitcase in her hand
She said she'd like to meet a boy who looks like Elvis
And she walks along the edge
Of where the ocean meets the land
Just like she's walking on a wire in the circus

She parks her car outside of my house
And takes her clothes off
Says she's close to understanding Jesus
And she knows she's more than just a little misunderstood
She has trouble acting normal when she's nervous

'Round here, we're carving out our names
'Round here, we all look the same
'Round here, we talk just like lions
But we sacrifice like lambs
'Round here, she's slipping through my hands

Woah oh oh
Sleeping children better run like the wind
Out of the lightning dream
Mama's little baby better get herself in
Out of the lightning

She says it's only in my head

She says, shh, I know it's only in my head
But the girl on the car in the parking lot
Says, Man, you should try to take a shot
Can't you see my walls are crumbling?

Then she looks up at the building
Says she's thinking of jumping
She says she's tired of life
She must be tired of something

'Round here, she's always on my mind

'Round here, hey man, got lots of time
'Round here, we're never sent to bed early
And nobody makes us wait
'Round here, we stay up very, very, very, very late
I, I can't see nothin', nothin' 'round here

You catch me if I'm fallin', you catch me if I'm fallin'
Will you catch me? 'Cause I'm fallin' down on you
I said I'm under the gun, 'round here
I'm innocent, I'm under the gun, 'round here
And I can't see nothin', nothin' 'round here

•••