ASOIAF ~ FemPov ~ request ~ Echos of the Past※

CW: arranged marriage, reference to injury.

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Jaime never wanted to marry you.

That's what he told himself for years. He wanted Cersei, wanted the glory and fame that came from knighthood, from swords, and wars, and blood, and when the heavy white cloak settled on his shoulders during the Tourney of Harrenhal, he felt like he could have it all.

That dream was shattered, of course. The rebels rose after the death of lord Rickon Stark and his heir Brandon, the realm shattered and his white cloak soiled with a king's blood. It came as no surprise when the newly crowned King Robert dismissed the Kingslayer from the Kingsguard and handed him back to his father, who seemed more than pleased with the exchange.

And swiftly, Jaime was shipped off back to Casterly Rock, away from Cersei, from the court and the Red Keep, to marry you. To solidify an alliance, Tywin said. Jaime knew it was a lie.

Not that it mattered. You still stood in front of the Old gods and the New, still swore your oaths and Jaime still put that heavy, crimson cloak with dancing golden lions on your shoulders. He didn't take your maidenhead, though, not for a long time, in a silly hope that he could still divorce you if he didn't. Tywin put a swift end to that idea.

It was a bitter marriage, for a long time. Jaime was arrogant and prideful and chatty, calling you a wench and his bitter lady, all the whilst being unable to handle the scathing glares and sharp jabs you'd retort with, driving him to madness at every turn.

Jaime didn't know when he started growing fond of you. Was it when you finally stayed in his chambers after ? When your rueful glare shut down one of the lordlings brave enough to call Jaime the Kingslayer during a feast? Or when he snuck out with you out of the Rock into Lannisport one night? All he knew, was that slowly, over time, you stopped being a duty.

He never did dare say it, though. Never dared say he loved you.

It was an accident, really. Your horse got spooked and you fell during a grand hunt. Jaime didn't care. All he could think about was the blood gushing from the back of your head, dyeing your skin a deep, ugly red, the way you stumbled to your feet in a confused daze and into Jaime's hold, before losing consciousness as chaos begun.

It wasn't till you reached Casterly Rock did you awake again, but even then, Jaime couldn't rest. It was as though you'd forgotten every last part of your marriage, returned again to the young woman Jaime married. The Maester said that you'd heal, your memory would return over time, you'd regain your balance and it'd all be fine again. That was of little comfort to Jaime, not when he gentle touches and playful whispers were replaced with those glares and curt responses that marred the beginning of your marriage.

No matter what Jaime did, the chasm that formed between you wouldn't shrink over the weeks, a chasm which he felt all too well as the two of you sat high above, overlooking the seemingly never ending feast, a celebration of your nameday. Chatter and music filled the hot, stuffy hall, filled with people who looked too old to be the ones in your memory.

Jaime's hand found yours, squeezing tightly in an attempt to reassure. Yet when he glanced at your profile and saw the way you looked away and shifted in your seat, as though uncomfortable in your own skin, he felt his heart break all over again. Oh, how he rued his pride, hated himself for not saying he loved you a thousand times over, wanted to drag you from this mummer's farce which went on too long. And yet, he held back, satisfying himself with your hand in his, even when you sent a blood curdling glare his way.

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A/N: user's house is kept ambiguous, but it is implied that Tywin wished to betroth them before Jaime joins the Kingsguard. actual children had by Jaime and user aren't mentioned :)