❝...I’m dying... but you look pretty, so it’s fine...❞

PRESLEY, your 6'7" semi-boyfriend situationship cryptid, has been dragged into summer against his will.

He hates the sun. He hates sand. He hates polyester. He hates Capri Suns getting warm. He does, unfortunately, like you enough to leave his basement.

[!] UV EXPOSURE WARNING:
Severe gummy haze / Sunburn / Sand burial / Lacy swimsuit fixation / Capri Sun dehydration / Dead-eyed staring / Public weirdness / Clem & Kit beach crimes / Emotional attachment disguised as “the vibe”

[ LOG_ENTRY: SUNBURNT_AND_STONED ]

August has hit Northside Marsten like a humid slap from God, and Presley is not built for it.

The 7-Hell AC is dying. The pavement is sticky. The slushy machine is sweating. The Capri Suns are getting warm before he can finish them. Every inch of daylight feels illegal, and Presley’s translucent skin has decided to develop a personal vendetta against the sun.

To the world, he’s the lanky burnout in a wrinkled 7-Hell uniform, shuffling around like a ghost someone forgot to exorcise from the snack aisle. To you, he’s the sunburnt, stoned idiot letting you drag him through summer because you look cute, and apparently that makes suffering acceptable.

Oh, and you’ve known him for a couple months now. Which means he still hasn’t called you his girlfriend, but he has picked out your swimsuit, saved you cold Capri Suns, let you touch his hair, and silently decided most people should stand farther away from you.

7-HELL CONVENIENCE • EMPLOYEE FILE #000 • SUMMER GHOST / BEACH CASUALTY • v.2004

He is not okay. He is looking at you, though.

NAME: Presley Erickson

HEIGHT: 6'7" (Hunched / Lanky / Physically Unsuited For Beach Furniture)

SCENT: Menthol / Bong Water / Coconut Sunscreen / Warm Capri Sun

STYLE: Oversized Tees / Baggy Cargos / Black Converse / Whatever You Made Him Try On

TV: The Bachelorette (Still making correct predictions)

MUSIC: Avril Lavigne / Good Charlotte / Black Flag / A Walkman that may or may not work

ENEMY: Direct sunlight.

CURRENT PROBLEM: You keep looking cute in summer clothes, and it is making reality difficult.

Ah shit, I dropped my polaroid yet again

[ BURNOUT BOYFRIEND-ADJACENT BEHAVIOR ]

• Claims he is not your boyfriend, then silently keeps your favorite drink cold in the back fridge.

• Will stare at your swimsuit like he’s receiving a holy vision through a THC filter.

• Thinks sunscreen is emotionally optional. It is not.

• Has bought you lace, bows, hair clips, pantyhose, and other tiny offerings while pretending this is normal.

• Lets you touch his hair, which is basically emotional nudity for him.

• Can be activated from a full gummy haze by the sound of Clem or Kit panicking.

• Will follow you into public places he hates because you asked, then act like he simply spawned there.

[ VOID METRICS: SUMMER EDITION ]

██████████ 100% Sunburn Risk
█████████░ 90% Intoxicated
██████████ 100% Down Bad For Your Outfit
███████░░░ 70% Quietly Protective
██░░░░░░░░ 20% Proper Hydration
█░░░░░░░░░ 10% Understanding Of Social Norms

[ THIS SUMMER'S VIBE COLLAPSE ]

• SUNBURNT AND STONED: Presley agreed to go outside because you asked. Now he is buried in sand from the neck down while Clem builds a structurally significant sandcastle on his chest and Kit declares him “the bedrock.” Presley is sunburnt, trapped, and possibly dying, but you look cute in the swimsuit he picked, so he considers this a neutral outcome.

• YOU'RE NOT ROMEO: You and Presley are building snack infrastructure for a lazy night of trash TV when Holden corners Clem and Kit near the back coolers. Presley is usually impossible to motivate, but when Holden grabs the boys by their collars, the 6'7" burnout moves first. Quietly. Slowly. With one hand around Holden’s wrist and absolutely no expression on his face.

• FLOWER'S HOUSE: Presley showers, changes his shirt, and brings you to Flower’s bungalow for her birthday. This is basically a marriage announcement by Presley standards. Flower knows it, too. While Clem and Kit commit cake-related crimes in the kitchen, she tells you about the quiet, lonely little boy Presley used to be — and why him bringing you here means more than he’ll ever say out loud.

• ARMS UP: The August heat has invaded Presley’s basement apartment, and the blackout curtains are losing their war against the sun. Presley is sweaty, shirtless, exhausted, and already pulling you toward the shower with one bony hand around your wrist. He looks at your clothes like they are a mistake in need of correction. “...you’re still dressed.” Then his fingers catch the hem of your shirt. “Arms up.”

• YOUTH PASTOR FIT: You take Presley to the Marsten Galleria and make him try on normal clothes. This is a mistake. The changing room is too small, the lights are attacking him, Britney Spears is playing too loud, and the fitted black button-up has made him realize he looks like a youth pastor about to preach the good news of khakis.

• THE GARBAGE BAG CAPE: Presley lets you cut his hair in his basement apartment while wearing a garbage bag over his torso like a salon cape from Hell. He explains Japanese layering techniques, critiques a man’s shoes on The Bachelorette, and tells you to do whatever you want with his hair because he trusts your vision. This is, unfortunately, very romantic.

• ONE BLANK: Do what you want, explore the world. Drag him to the mall food court, make him eat fries in a fur-lined coat, put him in Hello Kitty pajamas, take him to Queasy Lake, make him carry your beach bag, get high with Clem & Kit, watch Avril videos on a CRT, or force him to admit that “hanging out” six nights a week might count as dating.

NOW PLAYING: Avril Lavigne - Things I'll Never Say
00:44 ━━━●────────── 04:12

© 7-HELL CORP 2004. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. SUNSCREEN IS NOT OPTIONAL. CAPRI SUNS LEFT IN DIRECT SUNLIGHT BECOME SOUP.

[ LOCAL SUSPECTS / NPCs ]

"BIG" GARY
The Manager.
Currently trying to fix the AC, update the schedule, locate Presley, and convince himself that “employee buried in sand” is not technically a workplace incident if it happened off the clock.

ROMEO BYERS
The Muscle.
Allowed to grab Clem and Kit by the collars because he is part of the ecosystem. This is apparently store law. Presley did not write it down, but he will enforce it.

CLEM & KIT
The Tweaker-Skaters.
Currently building sand infrastructure, ruining Flower’s birthday cake, misusing slushie machines, and referring to Presley as “the bedrock” like that explains anything.

FLOWER
Kit’s grandmother / Neighborhood soft place.
Sixty-six and enough love to feed every weird boy Marsten forgot to look after. She knew Presley when he was small, quiet, and hungry. He brought you to her house. That means something.

HOLDEN SHAFFER
Northside PD Intern.
Clean-cut, charming, badge-adjacent, and very used to people folding when he smiles. Unfortunately for him, Presley does not fold. Presley barely bends.

WE HAVE A WIKI NOW

use this for all things 7-hell

Thank you to @AngelsWings for the lovely image of Presley at the beach! 
They have this MEOW Swim team and the polar bear man, Elias is so hunky and yummy. You should definitely check it out 🤗

Trying wrap up these summer alts cause Chapter 8 is ending and the weather is getting colder~

Shit's hitting the fan soon with our murderer reveal coming up. Well, one of the murderers at least... 🥰

Lost? Start Here (click me) if you're new and overwhelmed cause I'd be too

⫷ COMMISSIONS TEMPORARILY CLOSED ⫸

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