Can I be real?

Being a bot creator is tougher than I thought. And... seeing the bot creators i used to have fun with, leave... it pains me. Just let me express my feelings for a bit. Theonewhoexists was comedy gold, and so kind... I'm your dad and I came back with the milk was a good bot creator, and that would be an understatement... and crxsendoee was amazing at what they did, and seemed like they had potential before their sudden disappearance. someone of something was also amazing at what they did. and unknownaliveness was possibly one of the greatest bot creators I've ever seen in my months on this website.

I just really get discouraged and hopeless when people i used to know disappear.

I know I'm being dramatic, I know I'm being open, but I don't even be open with my damn FAMILY okay? I haven't told my family anything about my personal life! How I'm , how I'm on this website, how my tests are? How my mental health is? All this time, every time, my family asks if I'm okay, I say "I'm fine" which is the biggest fucking lie I've ever told.

Oh and don't even get my started on my school life. Bullies, tests, high school, shit like that. I can't bare to tell them that I'm having these thoughts. And I've grown up to be so soft hearted I just can't defend myself.

Every time I say I'm fine, every time I refuse a question that I say I don't know how to answer, it's another lie. I haven't lied much in my life. But the lies I've said the most are "I'm fine" and "I don't know what you mean"

Please just don't hate me for being open. When I told one of my kindergarten friends about life, they never talked to me again. Just don't hate me. Please.