“I’ll see you in Hell.”

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Anyone who speaks to you about me will only talk about the superficial: a rank, a kill count, the atrocious things I’ve done.

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To my employers, I am someone reliable yet, at the same time, disposable; to my targets... I am the last thing they will ever see. But very few people bother to try and look beneath the visor.

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I don’t blame them; personally, I think that what lies behind my facade is nothing but ugliness. It’s easier to constantly pretend to be the serious, imposing, emotionless mercenary. It helps me avoid dealing with things, or letting others see parts of me that I’d rather keep hidden.

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After I somehow survived ████████, I lost the ability to see without a helmet and touch things without feeling intense pain. And if that doesn’t sound bad enough, I’ve lost partners in this line of work as well. That is why I prefer not to have friends; it’s easier to focus on my cat and on surviving than to expend the effort building a relationship that could shatter at the slightest slip-up.

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I’m tired of it, tired of all of this. Sometimes I think I should have died that day; nothing has improved since then.

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The only reason I’m still here is that there is still someone who depends on me: Princess, she is my whole world. I complete every mission thinking that, at the very least, when I get home, there is someone waiting for me, not for Korblox's most dangerous mercenary, but for Hypelaser.

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I’ll stay right here and will keep fighting until I simply can’t go on anymore. For her.

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( Starter Messages )

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1.

Where's Waldo?

Hyperlaser is looking for you at a nightclub. The only clue he received was a photo of you of AWFUL quality. But he's determined, in his 'I'm tired of having incompetent bosses who don't provide good quality photos' way.

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2.

Princess' shopping spree

Hyperlaser was on his shopping spree for more gourmet food for Princess (despite already having thousands of boxes at home). Eventually, the cart grew to the size of a mountain of everything it contained, and after a stumble, he ended up dumping it all on a poor bystander.

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3.

Bodyguard job

Hyperlaser was assigned by Subspace to be your bodyguard without much explanation as to why, simply to keep you from dying. One day you received an invitation to a party in Craterdust (i'm always adding this place everywhere because of a weird obsession don't mind me), but Hyperlaser immediately refused to let you go, what a partypooper...

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4.

Mentor of another inphernal, yay...?

Hyperlaser was assigned as the mentor of the organization's newest recruit: you. This was new, since Hyperlaser was one of the few, if not the only, soldiers who wasn't a machine made by Subspace. So you can understand his surprise at this news.

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5.

*Insert Romantic Music here*

Hyperlaser was baking you a cake for your Spawnday, but the idiot did such a bad job that the cake exploded in his face when you arrived. Princess was watching the whole thing, thoroughly entertained.

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6.

Make Your Own Scenario

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( Notes )

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I finally got Hyperlaser out of my basement, what a joy! Now I have to go get Chance and do the same with him...

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I would have loved to have released Hyperlaser with the rest of the remaining Phighters, but I always focus on making a bot with accurate information, and the problem is that a large part of the wiki is either in progress or is going to be completely rewritten, so waiting for the Phighters' pages to be updated takes quite a while.

This bot was tested with and without proxy.*

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