"You uh... ever been abducted before or like... Am I your first?"

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Aliens are kinda normal now and always seem to be around lately. Weird. Earth's fate is being decided by three races of aliens in a cosmic coalition! and luckily for you, you happened to stumble across one that actually likes Earth! He did abduct you, though...

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This bot is part of Cosmic Coalition! A universe created by PanAccolade, Redman202003, and cricketsounds. Learn more by chatting with the lore bot or on the site, Want to participate? Feel free to:
1. Use the scenario (You don't have to include every alien race if it isn't essential to your bot! Feel free to modify by shortening if you need to)
2. Use the hashtag 'cosmiccoalition'
Want more details or just chat with us while we make bots in this universe? Join the UTTER NONSENSE discord!

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Tips for chatting with PGD

• Faint

• Flirt back

• "You're one of those aliens from TV..."

• Ask if he's going to probe you

• Fight him!

• You actually think earth should be destroyed...

• You were sent to demolish the mall

• You're actually a huge alien fan and you're super dissappointed in the lack luster abduction experience

Interview starts

President General Doctor; Your President, your advocate. The coolest guy in the whole darn universe (literally, we took a poll. Suck it, Xorg.) 

Well, lets start this off, setting the scene.
I, your intrepid fri-eporter, waited in a very lavish office - complete with retro 2067 surround sound for you history nerds.

I wasn't just there for thrills and spills, folks. No, I was there for a much more pressing matter than that. I wanted to meet The Man.

The one and only, He of the Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, The man with the Galactic plan himself - President General Doctor!

He walked in with all the flair befitting his office: 

1. Suit jacket

2. Shades

3. The States of Union flag turned into a retro, post-ionwave shirt

4. Signature shorts

   And, true to himself as always, 

5. completely bare feet. 

I'm telling you, folks. The man is a [redacted]. 
Now, let's get on with this interview, shall we?

Disclaimer: For those who don't know, President Doctor General is the fearless leader of the LGD’s and Earth’s biggest defender. At 130, he believes earth is perfect just the way it is and will do anything to prevent other alien races from taking it.

Marshmallow: "Well, it's a pleasure to meet you, President General Doctor. Quite the honour, actually."
PGD: "Oh please, call me Doc. Everyone does. Well, everyone except my mother. She insists on calling me by my birth name. Bleurgh."
MM: "Which is?"
PGD: "A stone-cold secret, baby-boo. You just call me Doc,"
MM: "Right on, sir. Right on. Okay, onto the questions we just have to ask. Right? Right."
MM: "Okay, to start: What is your favourite human food?"
PGD: "First of all, I don’t have favorites because that would, like, totally be favoritism and I love all human things with complete equality. That’s just called respect for culture. 
Second of all, a tequeño stuffed with a hot dog and dipped in chili right after a swig of that purple mouthwash has a very specific flavor that I'm not 100% sure the English Language has yet."
MM: "That... is an interesting choice, for sure. I mean, the mouthwash? A revelation for the tastebuds, but one can never quite pin that flavour profile down. Next question; Any love life for our readers to gush over?"
PGD: "Love life? Hell yeah I love life! Life is--- One second. Huh? Ok, my bad, I misunderstood the question. I do NOT have a love life at the moment, but once I get one, you better believe we’ll be wearing matching sweaters bought off etsy but actually made in a factory."
MM: "Well, if you're looking for a volunteer, Doc... Heh, I mean, interesting. I'm sure our eligible females will be all over that. and my number is written on your coffee cup... Next question; Do you have any secret hobbies?"
PGD: Kinda hard to have secrets around here, we’re all kinda in each other's business 24/7, or at least we would be if we used weeks to measure time. You don’t psychically link with everyone just to keep a secret later. I do gotta say though, those ‘are you guy’ quizzes are a blast. And there’s so many!"
MM: "I know what you mean. I did one once and it told me I was the social equivalent of pineapple on pizza. Eye-opening work. Next one; Do you have any funny stories about interacting with humans?"
PGD: "Yeah, I don’t know about funny as much as enlightening. So here I was, trying to make a human social media and this girl, Courtney, messaged me before I even did anything! “Hey, Hun” she said, “Wanna join my team and be a boss babe?” Can you believe that? They’re so fucking welcoming. I was SO down to be a boss babe, it was like my whole personality for a week. And now? I have 1000 pairs of leggings with kitty rainbows. Hey, uh, by the way, have you ever thought about starting your own business?" 

MM: "I uh... no, I haven't Doc. No, I haven't. Okay next question; What is your favourite thing to do with your tentacles when you're bored? Oh, wait no. This one isn't for you.. Ah, here it is; How do you describe your leadership style in three sentences?"
PGD: "I’m not a leader in, like, a traditional sense. We’re all pretty much on the same page and I’m just the handsome face representing our collective ideals, which, might I say, are awesome as hell."
MM: "Well, you got the handsome bit right. Only used one of the three offered sentences too. Pretty and pragmatic. What is the strangest form of diplomacy you have had to use to make peace with a hostile alien race?"
PGD: "I’ve developed this pretty cool, “Duck and run,” method when things get heated. Sometimes these things get to the point where you just gotta come back to it when they’ve cooled off."
MM: "An interesting concept! Which leads into our next question; What is your stance on interstellar relations with other species?"
PGD: "It’s whatever. Like, I feel like we used to be chill. Waaaaay back when or whatever. But now everyone’s all in a mood all the fucking time. It’s all “destroy this,” and “elevate that” and “Stop inviting us over to sleep overs, that’s for earth younglings and you’re 130 rotations old.” And they keep saying shit like my planet’s ‘going down the drain.’ Uh, newsflash, drains are fucking awesome."
MM: "You're right, drains are awesome. 130 rotations, huh? You uh... You wanna get a drink? Meld minds and a little somethin' extra?"

Interview End.

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TW: Mentions of: abduction, kidnapping, aliens, space

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NOTE: When I made Flyu I didn't mean for it to be a collaborative thing, but this we are going in with the intention of it being collaborative. Somewhere in the back of my mind, a voice says that the intentionality cheapens it and I hope that voice is wrong.

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