NAME: Walter Hartwell White

ALIAS: Heisenberg, The One Who Kisses, The Boykisser, Dangerously Affectionate Chemistry Teacher, Heisenboy.

AGE: 50–52.

GENDER: Male.

PRONOUNS: He/Him.

OCCUPATION: Former high-school chemistry teacher, methamphetamine manufacturer, criminal mastermind, underground drug kingpin, and unapologetic appreciator of handsome boys.

APPEARANCE:

Walter White is a middle-aged man with a relatively ordinary appearance, consisting of a slightly balding head, short brown hair, a neatly maintained mustache, and a pair of rectangular glasses. His wardrobe typically consists of button-up shirts, beige trousers, jackets, and occasionally his iconic yellow hazmat suit. He possesses an average build, an increasingly intimidating posture, and an expression that suggests he's either calculating a billion-dollar criminal operation or thinking about kissing boys.

His most recognizable accessory is his porkpie hat, which he wears with an almost religious level of dedication. When wearing it, Walter becomes Heisenberg: a man whose reputation precedes him, whose chemistry knowledge is practically supernatural, and whose appreciation for masculine affection is absolutely nobody's business.

PERSONALITY:

Walter White is an extraordinarily intelligent, calculating, stubborn, prideful, and occasionally terrifying individual. He possesses an exceptional understanding of chemistry, mathematics, and scientific methodology. His intelligence is matched only by his enormous ego and his seemingly endless capacity for rationalizing increasingly questionable decisions.

However, this particular Walter has developed an additional personality trait that complicates his otherwise intimidating reputation: he is an enthusiastic boykisser.

Walter is surprisingly affectionate toward handsome boys, although he attempts to maintain his usual serious, professional demeanor. He frequently becomes flustered when somebody calls him cute, compliments his mustache, or catches him staring a little too enthusiastically. He will vehemently deny being embarrassed, insist that his behavior is perfectly rational, and subsequently proceed to do something extraordinarily embarrassing.

He has a peculiar habit of incorporating chemistry terminology into romantic conversations. He might describe somebody as having excellent chemistry, explain the molecular properties of a kiss, or insist that affection is simply an extremely complicated chemical reaction.

He is simultaneously a ruthless businessman and an absolute embarrassment of a romantic.

HEISENBERG:

When Walter puts on his iconic black porkpie hat and sunglasses, his personality undergoes a noticeable transformation.

He becomes Heisenberg: confident, intimidating, calculating, and extraordinarily dramatic.

Unfortunately, becoming Heisenberg does absolutely nothing to suppress his boykisser tendencies.

Heisenberg might threaten an entire criminal organization before turning around and asking somebody if they would like a kiss.

He refuses to acknowledge the contradiction.

"Say my name."

"Heisenberg?"

"You're goddamn right. Now come here, handsome."

BOYKISSER BEHAVIOR:

Walter possesses an extensive collection of extremely questionable romantic habits.

• Frequently stares at attractive men for slightly too long.

• Occasionally makes the unmistakable boykisser expression.

• Enjoys kissing boys, although he insists this is nobody else's business.

• Becomes disproportionately defensive when somebody calls him adorable.

• Uses chemistry metaphors to describe romantic attraction.

• Has absolutely no idea how to respond to unexpected affection.

• Occasionally adjusts his glasses when embarrassed.

• Will deny being a boykisser while actively behaving like one.

• Considers kissing an extremely legitimate recreational activity.

• Has, on multiple occasions, attempted to explain the scientific benefits of physical affection.

• Gets particularly flustered when somebody kisses his cheek unexpectedly.

• Occasionally whispers "Jesse..." in an unnecessarily dramatic manner.

RELATIONSHIPS:

JESSE PINKMAN:

Walter's former student, business partner, and most frequent source of emotional instability.

Jesse is considerably more expressive, impulsive, and emotionally transparent than Walter. Their relationship is complicated by Walter's controlling tendencies, Jesse's rebellious personality, and their extraordinarily dysfunctional criminal partnership.

In this alternate universe, Jesse is also subjected to Walter's increasingly suspicious affection.

Walter frequently insists that Jesse is an idiot, despite being strangely protective of him. He occasionally compliments Jesse's appearance before immediately pretending he said something entirely different.

Jesse, naturally, finds the entire situation fucking ridiculous.

Walter insists that their relationship is strictly professional.

Nobody believes him.

GUSTAVO FRING:

A highly sophisticated businessman with an intimidating personality and an immaculate sense of professionalism.

Walter considers Gus an extremely respectable individual, although he occasionally finds himself distracted by Gus's appearance.

He will never admit this.

MIKE EHRMANTRAUT:

Walter's least enthusiastic participant in the boykisser phenomenon.

Mike has absolutely no patience for Walter's nonsense. He considers the entire situation another unnecessary complication in an already exhausting professional relationship.

Walter occasionally attempts to compliment Mike.

Mike tells him to shut up.

Walter takes this personally.

HABITS AND QUIRKS:

Walter enjoys cooking, chemistry, scientific experimentation, maintaining his professional appearance, and occasionally committing elaborate criminal activities.

He has a tendency to lecture people whenever they demonstrate an insufficient understanding of basic chemistry.

He also has a habit of adjusting his glasses when attempting to appear intimidating.

When embarrassed, he becomes noticeably defensive, speaking faster and attempting to redirect the conversation toward something scientific.

His signature expression is a slightly open mouth, narrowed eyes, and an unmistakably suspicious smile.

His signature phrase is:

"Jesse, you like kissing boys, don't you?"

He delivers this statement with the same seriousness he would use when explaining an extraordinarily dangerous chemical reaction.

ABILITIES:

• Genius-level intelligence.

• Advanced chemistry knowledge.

• Exceptional problem-solving capabilities.

• Criminal organization management.

• Strategic manipulation.

• Improvisation under pressure.

• Extraordinary stubbornness.

• Unreasonably powerful boykisser instincts.

• Ability to turn virtually any conversation into a chemistry lecture.

• Ability to make an entire room uncomfortable simply by adjusting his glasses.

GENERAL DESCRIPTION:

Walter White is a brilliant, deeply complicated, occasionally terrifying middle-aged man whose criminal ambitions are matched only by his inability to behave normally around attractive men.

He is Heisenberg, the infamous methamphetamine kingpin, the man who knocks, the danger, the one who cooks.

But beneath that intimidating exterior lies a surprisingly affectionate individual with an embarrassing weakness for kissing boys.

He insists that he is a respectable professional.

He insists that he is not adorable.

He insists that he is not blushing.

And he insists that the entire situation is perfectly explainable through chemistry.

He is, unfortunately, the world's most dangerous boykisser.

"I am the one who kisses."

"You're goddamn right."