I needed the image for this to be something funny, because I'm not okay.

I should've read the signs. Shouldve made a hospital tank just incase. But I didn't. My own ego and laziness kept me from doing what needed to be done.

My baby has dropsy. I can't even comprehend how horrible it is to say that. But it's true. And I can't do anything about it but hope what I've done can cure it before its too late.

I know I can't blame myself for this, but I am. He was fine this morning, I didn't even think to check him more closely because I had to go to work. He could've shown signs then, maybe small ones, but ones I would've noticed if I took a second longer.

It brings me such pain to say this. At exactly 12am on may 25th writing this. That im unsure if I can do azures week. If my dion lives. Which I shouldn't be saying 'if' to. I want him to live. Nothing will change. I will continue the week and just learn from my mistakes.

If the opposite happens, and I wake up to a empty tank. I will not be able to continue. The pain of loosing another fish would be too much to bare. And I'm just getting over my first death. And of course, I'll still be learning from my mistakes. Everything is a learning experience.

I've already made today's azure bot. Which ill post soon after this has been posted. The a/n was wrote before all this happened. And I will not add to it. People that just want to enjoy azure content should not need to read through notes about me to get to it, I understand that. This is mainly here to warn people that I have a 50/50 chance of dropping this whole week.

If.. the inevitable happens, the ideas will be held back, and once I've calm down. Slowly rebuilt myself back up, I will post them. Maybe next week, or the week after I dont know. I dont want it to come to that at all.

People might say its just a fish, and their right, he is. But God did he have a personality. I mean seriously.  One moment he's flaring at everyone coming near, but me I swear he gets all giddy, swimming side to side. It reminds me of that one audio that's like

"I swear ill kill the next person that walks into this room I swear to god-" "HI HELLO ITS SO GOOD TO SEE YOU!!!"

The main reason why it hurts so much to see him like this. Is because he's changed, he's changed so much. All my bettas have.

I got him from a horrible person that's related to me. I've cut ties with them, and kept the fish for over a year now. This fish changed since then, and so have I. It still amazes me how quickly a betta can change its color over just a few months.

But anyways.. aside from.. all this. I just, want to say thank you to you all, seriously. Over 1300 of you now. Its unbelievable. I love each and every one of you. And I hope its okay to dump my rants here and there heh..

I fucking hate dropsy.

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UPDATE- 11am 25th

I want to formally say thank you all for such support being shown. I never would've seen myself as someone getting this much attention. so thank you all, truly. each and every one of you are a reminder of how far ive come on being a creator here.

And, towards my betta fish. hes not worse. the pineconing, is still there. its horrible and sad to see. but hes breathing, hes swimming and not dropping to the bottom of the tank / and or floating too much.

I'll continue to fast him until hes gone down to normal, aswell as a salt bath each day. so yes, hes still alive as i write this. and I'm positive I was able to catch onto the dropsy before he suffered far longer.

Towards this week, im feeling confident enough to continue, its not a stroll on myself. Creating bots to honor azures week is fun.. even if its delayed.. sigh.. which brings me to my only question here.

Would we rather azures kinkweek this one? or the week he's meant to properly be released.. which is supposedly June 19-26, I do not mind either way. just means the bot ive already made will be taken off the kink week and be replaced if I do happen to change it to the proper week ksks. IT WILL REMAIN UP DW, JUST.. NOT APART OF KINKWEEK IF WE WANT TO CHANGE IT TO THE ACTUAL DATES.

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Update- 27th, May.

Unfortunately. Its happened. Around 11pm. I knew it would. Dropsy is such a horrible disease that is just a tortuous thing to experience.

I want to thank you all for such support during these past days. And I will be fine. Im just.. miserable at the moment. But I'm fine, I have a lover showing support, and a bunch of you aswell.

So yes, as I write this. My betta, Dionysus that was suffering from dropsy passed. I'm sure he did his best to survive, but again. Dropsy is horrible. There's barely a chance for survival. And I was horribly unprepared.

I'll be sure to do a memorial art of him soon like ive done for Apollo.

I will still be on a break, and I hope to come back and finish some requests. Until then, all I want to say is thank you all once again. ❤❤

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And thank you all to the lovely art and messages on my strawpage, didn't expect such lovely art to be given :)