Well... where should I start?
(Big ass text ahead - sorry. Also trigger warning for mentions of death, sickness, mental problems)

Why has it been so quiet here in recent weeks?

Let me keep this as short as possible (it will be long..) - the last year was...fucking hell for me. Of course I know, it has undoubtedly been difficult for many of us in our own individual ways, and I ́m sorry for everyone, who ́s going through such shitty times.

I lost several loved ones in the last year, including my father, who fought an aggressive brain tumor for over a year and ultimately lost. He suffered and passed away in a way that no human being deserves. I cared for him, put my life on hold, neglected my friends, neglected myself, and almost lost my partner. I was no longer human... the only thing that distracted me from reality was Janitor. I escaped here and for a few hours I wasn't the daughter who had to hold her father while he had seizures. I wasn't the daughter who was begged by her father to put him out of his misery. (the emergency services already knew our phone number by heart...)

Here I was just... Lilith. It was everything I ́ve wanted in this moment. I spent entire sleepless nights simply writing, no matter what kind of theme it was. Whatever came to my mind was created, and it was fun. It still is.

But especially in recent weeks, I have repeatedly felt that this past year has weighed too heavily on my shoulders. A part of me is gone, and I am trying to find it again somehow.
Of course, the question immediately popped into my head: “Can I still manage being a creator on jai?”

Yes and no.

I still love writing bots for you and, above all, for myself. I love generating images, writing scripts, suddenly getting ideas for a plot while listening to a song.... it ́s a part of me. But at the same time, I also feel the urge for a break and for change.
So I'll just do that now.

As many of you have probably already noticed, Jai has major internal communication problems. (If you want more information, please read Mikale's post – just click here.) I don't want to go into every detail here, but the fact is that something urgently needs to change. Personally, I am speechless and sad and yes, the thought did cross my mind today whether I, like many others, should just deactivate my account.

That will not happen for now!

However, considering these facts, I have decided to take some time off. I don't know how long it will be, I want to wait and see how everything develops here over the next few weeks and, above all, I want to focus on myself. I hope Janitor can heal, because things can't stay the way they are now. Many people were treated wrong and others were given a platform they should never have had. I don ́t want to support this atm.. it ́s my sign to make my decision now.

So, short summary:

I will not leave, I ́m taking a hiatus to focus on healing and to wait, how janitor will move on.

I know that not everyone will understand my decision - that's okay. For me, it's the right one. We will definitely see each other again - in a few weeks or maybe after a longer period of time.

But we will see each other again. Stay safe.