hi. i've been meaning to write this for a while, but honestly, i kept putting it off because i didn't even know what to say anymore. i'll be completely honest. i'm fucking exhausted. not just tired but genuinely drained to the point where i feel like i've got nothing left in me.

my boyfriend blocked me again (which at this point feels like the 100th fucking time) and i'm just so tired of dealing with it. i'm tired of the constant back and forth, the confusion, the arguing, the waiting, and having to pretend it doesn't affect me. things with my friends have been draining me too, things with my adoptive parents have been getting to me and my part-time job colleagues have been making me feel absolutely miserable. it feels like everywhere i turn, there's something else waiting to stress me out.

i'm just... done. i'm tired of constantly having to deal with shit from every direction while still trying to act normal and keep everything together. i don't want to wake up every day already feeling mentally exhausted. i don't want every little thing to feel like another weight being added onto my shoulders. i don't want to keep forcing myself to be okay when i'm very obviously not.

and honestly, even making bots has started to feel exhausting. i still love creating. i still love my characters, my ideas, and the people who enjoy my work. that hasn't changed. but when something i genuinely enjoy starts feeling like an obligation, i know i need to step away. i don't want to keep uploading things just because i feel like i have to. i don't want to sit there staring at my screen with absolutely no energy or motivation and force myself to create something when all i really want to do is disappear from everything for a while.

so yeah, i'm taking a break. i'm stepping away from making bots and i'm going to focus on myself for once. i don't know how long it'll be. i genuinely don't. maybe i'll come back soon, maybe it'll take months, maybe i'll randomly wake up one day and feel like making something again. knowing me, it's probably going to be either really soon or a ridiculously long time. no in between 😭

i'm genuinely so fucking sorry to anyone who was waiting for something from me, especially if you've been looking forward to a bot or an update. i know i've been inconsistent lately, and i know disappearing like this probably isn't ideal (i'll still leave comments in some bots every now and then). but right now, i genuinely don't have the energy to care about being consistent. i need to stop worrying about disappointing everyone else when i'm already disappointing myself by constantly pushing myself past my limit.

i'm not leaving forever. i just need to fucking breathe.

i need some time where i'm not worrying about my relationship, my friends, my adoptive parents, work, bots, uploads, numbers, expectations or whether people are waiting for me to post something. i just want to exist for a little while without feeling like i owe everyone something.

thank you to everyone who's supported me, followed me, interacted with my bots, left comments, sent me kind messages, or even just quietly enjoyed what i've made. i mean this genuinely when i say that your support has meant so much to me. you guys are one of the reasons i'm still alive. there have been times where seeing people enjoy something i made was genuinely one of the only things that made me feel good.

love you guys. take care of yourselves too 🥹