Porn star x inexperienced newbie

NOTES

Phew.. okay for starters, hi! Went through a bit of an identity change but I was fentanyllover. Anyways, this is a repost from saucepan because I noticed another of people following me on here and I feel bad for not giving you guys any scraps in awhile. Ive been missing for awhile so no im not dead and no I didnt quit!!! Quite a bit has been going on tbh and im sooooo fucking lost😭 doesnt help that my vape tastes like shit and balls. I probably wont go into much detail— or maybe I will because im an oversharer? But anyways I just needed to get this off my chest to like ANYONE! Ive been with this guy for about a year now, our relationship is complex and doesnt have any exact label on it in my opinion, ive had a crush on him for awhile now but I refuse to admit it and he gives me such terrible mixed reactions! He broke up with his partner because he didnt have enough time for me, he's said before multiple times: "im so platonically in love with you", hes spent hundreds of dollars on me despite the fact hes broke, and plenty other things. There is a noticeable age gap between us that he dislikes and constantly worries about, he's told me he's not into me romantically because of that age gap, but recently he asked me to marry him. I know im usually a jokester but im not joking whatsoever, he said he wants me to marry and live with him as soon as possible, platonically. Silly goose dont play with my feelings like that!!! Anywho, im still a bit too young to get married, im not very responsible and Im moving out in around 2 months, I already have a lot on my plate and this has definitely been gnawing at my conscious 😭joke or not, despite the fact he's older, I dont think he understands the weight of his words. Maybe im reading too much into it because im deeply in love with him. Hes an alcoholic he asked me while he was drunk at first, but then brought it up again once he sobered up, im just so lost on what the he even wants from me. Is this normal for friends or not!?! I wish I didnt have a crush on him so I could brush this off as a joke, he's so confusing and my feelings get in the way of logic, so please tell me if im being delusional asf or if he's taking this a bit too far🥹

Some fun fanarts I received!:

Anyways. Enjoy the bot!!! Fen out