So, I'm still an idiot; I will be till the day I'm dead, but it feels ... different. I'm planning to get a job decently soon, so hopefully AutoZone will take me (please, AutoZone, I'm a fucking brokie). Anyways, life's weird again. times going too fast, schools getting to be odd, me being dragged into drama, past issues being dragged back even though I buried them, and overall just issues I can't even begin to describe. Now I know it sounds like I'm going to quit based on the title, and honestly...if it wasn't for saucepan being so damn hard to make bots on, I'd be there transferring all my bots over. I love janitor; it's a fun way to express myself and my emotions, but it's starting to go to shit. Like, I'm not spending 15 bucks a month on Janitor AI+ when, for the same price, I can get up to the millions in tokens for some proxies, for the same damn price.

Anyways, I'm just tired. It feels like something off is happening; it's a cycle I've done for so long that I'm starting to think I might just be a fucking idiot. It's literally wake up, go on janitor for a bit, go to school, go home/go to the park to hang out with friends, go on janitor, chat with friends on Discord, and go to bed. It's so fucking weird. What's worse is relationships. I'm Pan and Ace, as some may know already, but that's only a slice of it. In my dating life, I'm used to people coming and going, so I don't get too attached, and when I do eventually get broken up with/break up with them, I'm not overly affected. The issue is my current relationship. I know he'll see this eventually, and I'm sorry if this upsets you, but I feel like I'm too clingy. Like, I'm trying to hold a conversation, but it just feels like I'm trying too hard. Then I have my home life, which is a completely different story.

At home, I'm in my room almost all day, sitting at my desk or lying in my bed. When I do go downstairs, it's either to use the restroom or get food, sometimes going down to get ready to go shopping or something. I'm just trying to live my life, but my own family is so wonky. My old man has bipolar disorder and depression; one sister has severe OCD, the other has bipolar disorder, depression, and a catastrophe of other things that make it hard to listen to her, then my mom just can't help, since she's almost always yelling or getting upset over small things, then I'm over here with...shit, I dunno, I'm unstable, that's all I know. I just...I just want to have a day where someone isn't out to make me upset or make me do something that just makes me question my sanity. The last time I felt genuinely happy was when I was on my farm up north, driving a four-wheeler, helping on the farm, talking to family, and getting hands-on. My family doesn't like it as much, but I love it so much.

ive opened up enough for the day, next bot will be human or anthro, idk, im just tryna decide whether i should go back to bed or not :sob:

IF YOU ARE ONE OF THE PEOPLE ACTIVELY SHIT TALKING ME OR TRYING TO RUIN ME BECAUSE OF MY PAST, YOU. I DON'T CARE IF YOU HATE ME, IF YOU SAY IT ON YOUR PROFILE, GOOD FOR YOU, BUT IF YOU REPORT ME FOR SHIT LIKE OR ZOOPHILIA, EITHER YOU'RE PETTY OR YOU'RE SCHIZOPHRENIC.