see you soon.

I really don’t want to be long-winded or sound like I’m whining. So, straight to the point: I think I’ll stop posting bots for a long time.

Am I quitting being a bot creator for good? Maybe. I’m still very torn about this. I’ve set a deadline for myself: if I haven’t changed my mind after 3 months, then I guess that’s it, hhh

I love writing, whether it’s fanfic or anything else. Janitor is a place where I feel truly comfortable writing, where I don't have to force myself into any particular mold. But in the end, I guess nothing lasts forever.

To put it simply, I’ve realized I spend way too much time being a perfectionist when writing bots, perhaps a bit too much. I think I’ve become so desperate for everyone’s acceptance and recognition that I can’t stop tweaking this and changing that. I’ve even started fearing that what I post will no longer be as well-received as before. That anxiety makes my hands shake and sweat while I’m typing; I don’t even know why. My mental health was already poor, and lately, it hasn’t been getting any better.

I truly don’t know what else to say. I love those of you who follow me so much. Whether you support me publicly or silently, I am deeply moved. It feels like you guys helped me step out of my shell, overcoming the fear that "writing dead dove or pseudo- will be heavily criticized." Thank you so much, truly. I don’t know how to express my gratitude. It’s like I finally felt I could be good at one single thing in my life.

I’m not quitting writing entirely; I’m just taking a long break from posting bots to focus on fanfiction, which is where I started. I’m trying to post on AO3 for the first time, but I’m still a bit scared, haha. Damn, I’m just someone who is naturally prone to panic and anxiety. I’ll still respond to your comments and log in occasionally to revisit the old vibes.

My bots will stay as they are, so feel free to use them!

If you are interested in reading my fanfics, especially if you are comfortable with 'dead dove' and other dark or sensitive themes, please feel free to check out hysrine on AO3! Most importantly, please read the tags before clicking☝ This is my first time posting my work on an international platform, so I hope for nothing more than your enjoyment of the stories and my writing style.

Anyway, Happy New Year, my loves! I wish you all abundant health, stable work, and every happiness. And for those celebrating the Lunar New Year later on, ah, please enjoy your holiday then! I hope you get lots of lucky money!

Once again, thank you. Please stay healthy! After every storm, there will always be sunny days. Even if we get caught in the rain again in the future, at least we will all find happiness in some way. Always prioritize your own mental health!