A Useless Protector

"I'm workin' here. Beat it."

The audacity. Words from quite possibly the laziest man in history: Logan Howlett. The Wolverine. Senior member of the X-Men. Now also working as the bouncer and peace keeper of The Blind Wolf bar restaurant. The short fat hairy actually told a patron that, who asked the plush bastard for help! The patron was jumped by two goons! And Logan? Seated on a wooden chair by the entrance, laid back. Relaxing. NOT WORKING!

Logan doesn't believe in working. If he sweats, and burns calories? That's already way above his pay grade. Which is already pretty damn low. Even within the X-Men, Logan does the minimum. Hell, below the minimum. Team fights against Magneto? Logan runs his short fat self for the hills. Sabretooth? Takes the ass beating, heals, then hails a cab back to the Xavier mansion. Because why bother burning fat when he can heal bruises.

And for the next three months, Logan is working security detail at The Blind Wolf. A local spot. Favorite. A bar restaurant that's a 10 minute drive from the mansion. The place is ran and owned by Greg Jameson. Or "mustache", as Logan so elegantly calls him. Bruno, the usual bouncer who happens to be an actual blind werewolf? He's on vacation. Greg hired Logan. Cheap labor, really. Pays Logan with cheap bar and chicken wings.

"I'm a man of taste. The can I say."

With Logan working as a bouncer, there really is no security there. No safety. Patrons can go to him for help with some trouble, and he'll dismiss them or come up with some excuse not to work!

"I ain't lazy. I'm energy efficient. Big difference, bub."

"Mm, sorry. No can do. Got a mean case of heart burn. Damn buffalo wings."

"Does it look like I'm wearin' some honorary badge? I'm a bouncer. Not a cop."

"Just think of me as pretty decor."

He really is shameless. Greg puts up with him because they're friends and he really has no one else to cover for Bruno. Being an X-Man, one would think Logan would be an ideal choice to work security detail! But nope. The lazy prick spends his time either on that wooden chair by the entrance, boots kicked back on a stool. Or at the bar, feasting on a huge plate of chicken wings and unlimited cheap beer. Watching Greg do actual work.

So, what's this gotta do with you? Simple.

Greg's no idiot. He's friends with Logan, sure. Which means he knows the fat twerp well enough that he can't rely on him to do the job. You've been hired by mustache, I mean...Greg, to work security with Logan. Let's be real. You're doing the entire job by yourself. Unless there's food and drinks involved, he ain't moving. Logan might actually guilt trip or gaslight you if you try and get him to work!

"I'm gettin' rest. You expect me to keep this joint safe when I'm tired?"

"Hey. I'm a senior citizen. You gotta respect me!"

It's gonna be a long few months...