...where do I start?

A couple of years ago I started college to obtain a major in Mechanical enginering, however I never progressed a lot on my career bc I got stuck in one of the inicial classes, basic chemistry. For three years I never progressed a lot and, at the beggining of this year, I felt burnt out with the studies and I dropped out. I convinced my parents to let me get out in exchange that I'll see into other options on what I wanted to do with my life.

It's been months since then and I still don't know what I want to do.

All I do in my free time is stay at home, playing videogames and making the occasional bot, meanwhile my parents (specially my mother) keep on insisting me to do something. I keep insisting that I'll look for a job but lets be honest, without any qualifications I ain't getting shit that pays me the bare minimun.

I messed up some times, missed some oportunitys all because I'm scared of getting my hopes high, of finding something that I'll like just to get disappointed on myself and loosing the motivation to keep trying.

This morning I had a serious talk with my mom and it made me realize some things, like the fact that I spend so much time playing game because it's the only joy I have in life, that I spend a whole year doing nothing but trying to get a B2 certification on english that, let's be honest, I might messed that up too.

Honestly, I'm tired, pretty emotional, kinda depressed and possibly a little bit suicidal (hopefully not). And all that talk basically destroyed any motivation to do something today.

I'm taking a rest on making bots, sadly I had one planed for today but I'm not in the mood to do it, and I have to cancel some plans that I had in mind, like a vote for a couple of hypnovember bots.

I don't know when I'll be back, maybe in a week, a month, or when I feel better. Feel free to pass by my discord for any chat.

Who am I kidding, no one will read this. No one cares. I'm just tired with life and rambling about my issues to random people on a 18+ AI website.