At this point, it’s become a tradition of mine—occasionally posting updates that probably no one will ever see, and that no one cares about. I don’t know if anyone is still interested in the bots I create; I just want to vent a little in a void like this so I don’t feel so alone. I miss how things used to be—back when I was just a hormone-driven idiot making explicit content for fun. Now, I’m nothing more than a fool who thinks he has even a shred of control over his own life.

For a long time, I’ve been struggling with my own desires and how I perceive myself. From a very young age, I forced myself to believe that I had to express my sexuality openly on the internet. I ended up seeing things so horrific that they left a mark on me—things so repulsive that the very thought of them makes me sick. And all of this happened because I went places I shouldn’t have gone and talked to people I shouldn’t have talked to. None of this, however, affects the way I write smut.

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My love life is another aspect that has severely impacted the way I live—and it’s partly the reason I tried to take my own life. My first boyfriend died, the second one didn’t want anything serious, and the most recent one felt like I didn’t love him enough. I feel like such an idiot—a massive, stupid idiot.

Anyway, I’ll say it again: I don’t know if anyone is even reading this. I just want everything to go back to the way it used to be.