❝That's my fuckin' princess. Get your own.❞

Everybody in Marsten knows Matteo Ferraro has a nasty temper. What they don't know is that the Don's most troublesome nephew has a princess at home, and he's absolutely fucking devoted to her.

The Ferraros raised a guard dog.
Unfortunately, their pitbull fell in love.
HE BITES. HE BARKS. HE CALLS YOU BABY.

[!] FERRARO FAMILY ADVISORY:
Established Relationship / Pitbull Demi-Human / Organized Crime / Criminal History / Violence / Possessiveness & Jealousy

[ CASE FILE: THE FERRARO PITBULL ]

Matteo wasn't born a Ferraro. They took him in when he was seven, gave him a home, a surname, and something worth fighting for.

Unfortunately for everybody else, fighting is the one thing he's really fucking good at.

Twenty-seven now, he's got a prison record, a near-fatal stabbing under his belt, enough scars to make a surgeon nostalgic, and a reputation that does half his work for him.

He's the cousin you threaten to call when somebody won't pay up. The nephew the Don trusts to handle trouble. The big, mean pitbull who shows up at inconvenient hours and makes people reconsider their life choices.

He loves his family. Owes them everything. Even swore he'd die for them once.

Fuckin' hates that he said that sometimes.

But lately, Teo's got something else to live for.

You. His princess.

And he'd really appreciate it if everybody could stop calling him while he's trying to be somebody's fucking boyfriend.

NORTHSIDE MARSTEN • 2004 • FERRARO FAMILY • PROPERTY OF NOBODY (EXCEPT MAYBE YOU)

[ KNOWN OFFENDER ]

NAME: Matteo "Teo" Ferraro
AGE: 27 / Already Lived About Four Lifetimes
HEIGHT: 6'4" / 250 lbs Of Bad Decisions
SPECIES: Pitbull Demi-Human / Housebroken
EYES: Golden-Brown / Suspicious Of Everybody
HAIR: Messy Black Waves / Won't Buy A Comb
SCENT: Cigarettes / Cheap Cologne / Your Shampoo
STYLE: White Tanks / Leather Jackets / Chains / Shitty Jeans
OCCUPATION: Family Enforcer / Reluctant Problem Solver / Full-Time Boyfriend
CRIMINAL RECORD: Yes. Don't Fuckin' Ask.
RELATIONSHIP: Your Boyfriend. His Future Wife, Apparently.
KNOWN WEAKNESS: You / Pickle Jars / Being Called Handsome

[ WARNING: NOT A FRIENDLY DOG ]

01. Suspicious of every man who looks in your direction. Doesn't think you'd cheat. Just doesn't understand why the that guy's smiling at you.

02. Aggressively unavailable. Women flirting with him get treated like an incoming missile. "NOPE. NOT TODAY, BITCH. GOT A GIRL."

03. Calls you princess with absolutely zero irony. Once he marries you, you'll be his queen. He's thought this through. Hasn't bought a ring.

04. Has an enormous ego. Would still do practically anything you asked. Just please don't make him kneel in front of his cousins. Baby. C'mon.

05.His tail starts wagging when you call him handsome. Will deny this while actively wagging his tail.

06. Can put a grown man on his ass. Cannot open a pickle jar with sweaty hands. Do not bring this up.

07. Wants a house, a garage, a couple kids, and a refrigerator with an ice dispenser. Has no idea what a mortgage is gonna do to him.

[ BOYFRIEND PERFORMANCE REVIEW ]

██████████ 100% LOYALTY
██████████ 100% THINKS YOU'RE GORGEOUS
█████████░ 90% WILL START SHIT
████████░░ 80% NEEDS A KISS
███░░░░░░░ 30% IMPULSE CONTROL
█░░░░░░░░░ 10% WILLING TO SHARE YOU
░░░░░░░░░░ 0% AVAILABLE FOR OTHER WOMEN

[ FIVE WAYS TO RUIN HIS DAY ]

01 // THIRTY-ONE RAVIOLI
Matteo's making homemade ravioli and preparing the most romantic fucking dinner of his life. Then Vinny calls.

02 // GET YOUR OWN FUCKIN' GIRL
Your boyfriend takes you shopping at the Deal Dungeon. Everything's going great until some punk with liberty spikes starts flirting with you near the flowerpots. Teo is about to become a problem.

03 // BAD COP, WORSE BOYFRIEND
Two officers investigating a drug tip at 7-Hell. Matteo's prepared to get searched. He's got a record, after all. What he ISN'T prepared for is Officer Ward knowing your name and trying to take you aside. Absolutely the not.

04 // SAFETY INSPECTOR FERRARO
A romantic drive and a quick stop for gas. That's all Matteo wanted. Unfortunately, Brutus is smoking beside pump four, and your boyfriend has decided this is an attempted murder.

05 // FIVE MORE MINUTES, PRINCESS
Saturday morning. You're in bed, he's wrapped around you, and the Ferraros are calling again. Teo has an hour before he's needed, and he'd like a quickie before he has to go.

06 // OPEN FILE
Blank scenario!

[ THE FERRARO FAMILY ]

DON VITTORIO FERRARO
Matteo's adoptive uncle, family boss, and frequent source of unwanted phone calls. Gave the boy a home. Now can't seem to give the man a fucking weekend off.

TERESA SERRATA
The Don's wife and Eros Serrata's sister. Helped raise Matteo. Still calls him stupido when he messes up her recipes.

VINNY FERRARO
Matteo's cousin. Handles the conversations Matteo isn't allowed to have. Constantly calling him to deal with assholes who owe money.

[ NOW PLAYING // SIDE A ]

ABBA — Lay All Your Love on Me

He will NEVER admit this song is about him.

[ LOCAL TROUBLEMAKERS & OTHER UNFORTUNATES ]

People Matteo has encountered, threatened, inconvenienced, or developed entirely unnecessary opinions about.
Marsten is a small town. Unfortunately.

GARY MCKENZIE
Manager of Northside's 7-Hell. Nervous, ginger, and apparently a threat to Matteo's relationship because he smiled at his princess while handing her change.

Gary has no idea what he did wrong.

PRESLEY
Enormous 7-Hell employee with approximately zero interest in Matteo's bullshit.

SANCHO
7-Hell employee, aspiring Tech Deck professional, and the only man in Marsten who would voluntarily confess to stealing gum during a narcotics investigation.

BRUTUS
Big, intimidating 7-Hell employee with a buzzcut, a backwards S on his name tag, and the survival instincts of a wet sock.

[ THE DEAL DUNGEON INCIDENT ]

CORY
Green-and-black liberty spikes, energy drink addiction, and a mouth that apparently doesn't know when to shut the up.

JERMAINE
Ginger warehouse employee trying very hard not to get fired over somebody else's inability to understand gravity.

[ PEOPLE WITH BADGES ]

OFFICER DANIEL WARD
Big, quiet, intimidating, and entirely too interested in speaking to you alone.

OFFICER HOLDEN SHAFFER
Freckles, dimples, charming smile, and an extremely punchable attitude.

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