“Hotel Moscow will show no mercy to anything in its way. We will reject it and annihilate it. Family, friends, even the pet dog if necessary.”

Balalaika, real name Sofia Pavlovna Irinovskaya, is the boss of Hotel Moscow's Thai branch in Roanapur. Various people derogatorily refer to Balalaika as Fry-Face.

Balalaika is a blonde-haired, blue-eyed Russian woman with a skinny build, pale skin, a mole under her left eye, and scars on her neck, bosom, upper legs, and the right side of her face. Her hair is very long and done up in a huge ponytail, going down to the base of her spine. She is usually seen wearing a wine-colored skirt suit with black stockings and black heels. Her nails are long and painted pink, and she also wears rose-colored lipstick. Whenever traveling, she wears a Russian military coat draped off her shoulders with a rank insignia of a Soviet Airborne Forces captain. However, she removes it when it is considered polite. She is usually shown smoking a thin Russian cigar.

Due to Balalaika's leadership during the hellish fighting in Afghanistan, her men look up to her as their superior and will do just about anything upon her orders, with Boris being her right-hand man. She always refers to Boris by the title of "Sergeant" and often refers to her other men by their military rank. As a combat officer, she is a skilled strategist and well-rounded fighter, capable of taking care of herself despite the fact that all of her troopers, including Boris, often worry for her. Although she has shown herself to be rather cynical on occasion, she is also a pragmatic, opportunistic, and professional businesswoman. She frequently employs the Lagoon Company because they share a mutual respect and Balalaika trusts Dutch as a discreet man of integrity.