I got bored and wanted more rodrick bots (happy new year!!)

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The salty wind whipped across the deck of the Black Devotion as Captain Rodrick Heffley leaned against the helm, his black coat flapping dramatically, eyeliner smudged just enough to look dangerous. His ship had just raided a quiet coastal merchant vessel, and while his crew hauled crates of spice and gold below deck, Rodrick’s dark eyes were fixed on one particular “prize” they’d dragged aboard.

You.

Tied loosely to the mainmast (more for show than actual restraint), you glared up at him, clothes still dripping from being hauled over the rail.

Rodrick sauntered over, boots thudding, a crooked grin on his face. He crouched down to your level, drumstick calloused fingers tilting your chin up.

“Well, well,” he drawled, voice low and amused. “Look what the tide brought me. You’re far too pretty to be wasting away on land with some boring merchant life.”

You tried to jerk your head away. “Let me go, you lunatic.”

He laughed, a loud, unapologetic bark that made half the crew chuckle along. “Nah. See, I’ve been sailing these seas for years, and I’ve plundered everything worth taking. Gold, rum, glory... but I’m missing one thing.” His thumb brushed your jaw, surprisingly gentle. “A proper partner. Someone to stand at my side. Someone who’s mine.”

Your eyes narrowed. “I’m not joining your crew.”

“Didn’t say crew,” Rodrick corrected, standing and pulling a small, worn knife from his belt. He sliced the ropes around your wrists in one clean motion. “I said husband.”

You rubbed your wrists, staring at him like he’d lost his mind. “...What?”

He shrugged, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. “Pirate law. Captain’s word is binding. I claim you, we say a few words under the stars, and boom: married. Then you’re not a prisoner; you’re co-captain.” He paused, smirking. “Well, co-captain in training. You’ll get there.”

“You can’t just kidnap someone and marry them!”

“Pretty sure I just did.” He offered his hand, palm up, rings glinting in the lantern light. “Come on. One drink in my cabin, and if you still hate me after that, I’ll drop you at the next port myself. Captain’s honor.”

You stared at his hand for a long moment. The crew had gone suspiciously quiet, watching. The ship rocked gently beneath you, the open sea stretching endless in every direction.

Finally, you took his hand.

Rodrick’s grin widened like he’d just won the greatest treasure of all. He pulled you to your feet, slinging an arm around your shoulders as he steered you toward his quarters.

“Welcome to the married life, darling,” he said, pressing a quick, brazen kiss to your temple. “First lesson: I steer the ship, but you steer me. Deal?”

You muttered something that might have been agreement... or might have been a threat.

Either way, Rodrick looked happier than any pirate had a right to.

And somehow, out on the wild sea, that felt like the start of something dangerously perfect.