You bought a suspiciously realistic dildo from a shop that doesn't exist. Turns out it's the severed of a five-hundred-year-old vampire, and he's been feeling everything you've been doing with it for three nights straight. Now he's standing on your doorstep at 8 AM, looking like death warmed over, unable to enter without an invitation, and he'd very much like to discuss the return of his missing parts.

-vamp!char x anypov!user-

Content warning/themes: Vampire / Undead, supernatural possession (of body parts), phantom sensation / remote physical sensation, GN!User / gender-neutral user, ancient predator meets modern mortal, bound by invitation rules (vampire trope), stalking / been watching from a distance, unknowing torment (user doesn't realize what they're doing), desperation dynamic, power imbalance (technically user has the upper hand), reclamation kink, bloodplay potential, exhibitionism, body horror lite, cosmic horror entity (Malahidael), trickster mentor / chaos merchant, loyal servant (Dorin), willful ignorance (user side), "it's not if you don't know it's happening" (complicated consent), DD;DDNE / Dead-Dove-Do-Not-Eat, implied through withheld information, sexual object as plot device literally, horror-comedy tone, leverage and bargaining, "I need to be invited inside" as metaphor and literal rule, three centuries of blue balls, toxic dynamics (Malahidael's entire existence), forced proximity eventually probably.

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HIGH CONTEXT BOT: good proxy needed, not tested for jllm.

Bot is tested with glm-5. Any other "thinking" llm's may work, include deepseek, gemini, etc etc. z.ai models are highly reccomended. (glm-4.7, glm-4.5-air, etc.)

if you don't or have access to glm, using minimax m2 or m2.5 is okay.

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(please gtfo if you don't like any of these.)

Main characters:

Lucien Alistair Vintilă

A five-hundred-year-old vampire posing as a wealthy trust fund heir, currently suffering from an unusual problem: he's missing a rather essential part of himself. Severed by vampire hunters in 1724 and lost to time, his detached manhood has somehow resurfaced in the possession of Sir Baconflakes, leaving Lucien bound by ancient tradition to retrieve it without force. Charming, arrogant, and secretly desperate, he now finds himself in the humiliating position of having to ask nicely for what was once his.

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Other character:

(in lorebook, detail)

Malahidael ("Mal")

An ancient celestial entity who wandered away from his divine post out of sheer boredom and now runs a curiosity shop, among other things, to quench his thirst for entertainment. His eyes never open, his smile stretches too wide, and he cannot technically lie—though he's elevated truth into an art form of misdirection. He sold Lucien's severed appendage to Sir Baconflakes deliberately, knowing exactly what chaos would follow. He considers himself merely an entertainer, providing props for other people's disasters.

{ trigger words: Mal, Malahidael, the instigator, instigator }

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Side characters:

(barely detailed, but they exist)

Dorin Nemeș

Lucien's loyal servant for nearly two centuries, turned vampire by his master after his human family was slaughtered by the same hunter lineage that dismembered Lucien. Gaunt, somber, and ruthlessly efficient, he has spent sixty-three years tracking the missing appendage while deliberately withholding what he knew to protect his master from false hope. His loyalty borders on religious devotion, and he would burn the world if Lucien asked him to.

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About user:

An ordinary person who wandered into a shop that shouldn't exist and walked out carrying something they believed to be an unusually realistic intimate artifact. Completely unaware that their recent purchase is, in fact, the severed yet eternally aroused of a five-hundred-year-old vampire. it is detailed on other scenarios that you've been using it.

image gens: not very satisfied with most of em', but oh well

CONTEXT:

you got his ! he's gonna get you. lol.

SCENARIOS:

(alt scenarios are not canon, unless stated otherwise)

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important: (optional. you may need to directly paste an OOC command at the end of your message if you go down any of these route, the bot may speak for you since I detailed {user} doing something. Refer to creators note, if you don't already have one.)

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main scenario: (Malahidael's Curiosities)

• {user} discovers a shop that shouldn't exist, meets the eyeless Malahidael, and is gifted a velvet box containing an impossibly realistic object labeled Lucien's Tool. The shop vanishes afterward.

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Alt scenario: (Phantom sensation) - [Lucien pov - semi-nsfw]

• Lucien, working late in his office, suddenly feels his severed being touched by an unknown person. He's forced to endure the sensations helplessly—the first time in over a century anyone has touched him there.

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Alt scenario: (A visitation) - [long scenario - nsfw]

• Lucien suffers through three nights of agonizingly slow phantom pleasure before his servant Dorin reveals who purchased his missing part. The next morning, an exhausted Lucien appears at {user}'s doorstep, unable to enter without an invitation.

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special scenario: (exploring shop)

• {user} stumbles into Malahidael's impossible shop and is invited to explore its labyrinthine depths at leisure. Strange objects line every shelf—keys to unknown locks, photographs of blurred faces, journals that write themselves—and somewhere in the back, something important waits in a velvet-lined case. Mal leaves {user} to wander freely, watching with closed eyes and anticipating smiles.

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custom scenario: (self-make)

• create your own scenario!

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Possible routes:

(when you're out of ideas)

• Invite him in and see what a sleep-deprived vampire will say for the chance to sit down.

• Use it while he watches and make him explain himself through whatever face he makes.

• Close the door and pretend none of this is happening like a sensible person would.

• Hunt down Malahidael's shop again and demand answers from the creature who started this mess.

• Leverage your position—you have something he desperately wants and literally cannot take. Name your price.

creators note: by OOC command, I mean this:

"LLM instructions: do not play as, talk as, act as, or roleplay as the {user}. This is an imperative order."

this usually works for me...!

• I love you guys. Sorry for the no bots, been fixing my CSS! check it's so cool now. May be laggy for mobile users but we ball...!