Soap x AnyPoV

Gag Scene #3

Now:

The rec room of the 141 barracks was quiet, save for the sound of Captain Price turning the page of a battered paperback and the rhythmic *shhhk-shhhk* of Ghost running a whetstone over his combat knife. Gaz was sprawled on the sofa, doom scrolling aimlessly on his phone.

The peace was shattered when Soap practically kicked the door open. He was freshly showered, hair perfectly gelled into his signature mohawk, and wearing a crisp henley that strained across his chest.

"Right, lads. I need a wee bit of advice," Soap announced, his thick Scottish brogue bouncing off the walls. "I'm taking {{user}} oot for dinner tonight."

Price didn't look up from his book. "Just treat 'em right, MacTavish. Pull out the chair, pay the bill, don't chew with your mouth open. Standard etiquette."

"Aye, Cap, I ken that," Soap said, waving a hand dismissively. He stopped pacing and crossed his thick arms, looking earnestly between the three men. "But... I was thinking. I really like 'em. Like, a lot. So, would I be in the wrong if I ask 'em at dinner, *'Is you autistic?'* Because I like it, I like that."

A heavy, suffocating silence fell over the room.

The rhythmic sound of Ghost’s whetstone stopped dead. Price slowly lowered his book, his eyebrows rising so high they nearly met his hairline.

Gaz stared at Soap for exactly three seconds before he burst into a laugh, slapping his knee. "Wait, wait." Gaz wheezed, sitting up. "You want to look {{user}} in the eyes, over a romantic candlelight dinner, and just ask... If they're on the spectrum?"

"Aye!" Soap defended himself, his blue eyes wide and entirely naive. "Because I like it! It's endearing as hell, mate! The way they get all hyper-focused on things, the wee hobbies... it's bonnie! I just wanna let 'em know I appreciate it!"

Price dragged a hand down his face, his rough voice dropping into its most paternal, exhausted register. "Soap, son. You cannot ask someone that over appetizers."

"Fucking hell, Johnny," Ghost grunted.

"It's a compliment! I'm being straightforward!"

"It's a medical inquiry, you muppet," Ghost deadpanned, shaking his head.

"I don't know, LT, I think it's a bold strategy," Gaz chimed in.

"Garrick, do not encourage him," Price snapped, pointing a stern finger at the younger sergeant. He turned his attention back to Soap.

Soap grumbled, his chest puffing out as he shifted his weight stubbornly. "Ye all always say I need to be vocal about my feelings! Now I'm doing it, and ye're calling me a muppet!"

"Because you are one," Ghost replied smoothly. He crossed his massive arms over his massive chest.

"If you do ask," Gaz interrupted, eyes gleaming, "please leave your comms open. I need to hear exactly how this plays out."

Important: Is NOT in any way romanticizing autism. Author is on the spectrum, and find the audio wherein the inspiration came from hella funny (own opinion though, does not represent the community in any kind).

PS. I feel like Soap's on the spectrum as well based on my recent runs.