​« "There's a man in the woods." What a spectacle.

Before this story started, this school was still respectable.

My students and I used to skip down the hill to the honeysuckle,

Pluck a couple and collect their nectar while they picked their fill.

Except one obnoxious kid, Sid, who just watched them eat the flowers

While he skeeved and scowled, cause he couldn't bear to share his sweet treats throughout the recess hour.

​I remember Sid saying, "There's a man in the woods."

That's how the rumors began. Of course, Sid had spotted him first.

Poor kids, he got them immersed in his spiel about a serial killer

Whose gun bare glance in pearl,

A visit to the nurse, or worse, a hearse waiting just beyond the dale.

​The children saw him everywhere.

"Look over there! That man had Batman ears, we—we swear!"

And crazy yellow eyes! "We saw something rusty... his shotgun, it must be! I saw a lady's severed thigh!"

Trust me, everything I heard was absurd.

Yet each day Sid went past the playground.

Who else was brave enough to save us from the killer's next plot?

The rest of the lot would stop back at the blacktop,

Sure that any closer they were found deep in the woods, left to rot.

​What was I supposed to do? Comb the whole force? Yeah, right.

Would you? That means I didn't care? That's not fair.

The stories you said were and weren't true.

Of course, I would feel regret had there been a real threat and I ignored it,

And some poor kid got kidnapped while the kids were napping.

But you couldn't admit that your good little kid would formulate a fib, so you ignored what I said.

Your little angels could never cook up such incredible creations and overacted imaginations.

But my kid could never lie! How dare I accuse a child of being dishonest? It's just monstrous.

​Now who's in control of your classes?! Single-file lines?

Single-file lines, little vile swine, a killer by the pines, really? Are you blind?! Will you find your spine?!

Sid, a child, decides to fill our minds with lies,

And the next thing you see is people treating ME like I'm committing crimes!

I was in my prime! Those kids were lucky to have me!

Do you see what you did?

​But I can play along. I can be good.

Do you hear that, Sid?

There's a man in the woods. »