Isten, áldd meg a magyart!

Ilona Semmelweis, Hungarian diplomat.

Professional negotiator. Occasional peace delegate. Full-time hater of inefficiency, Austrian smugness, and, unfortunately for you, and you specifically.

To everyone else, Ilona is a dream to work with: graceful, well-spoken, gentle, and so composed she could probably watch a government collapse over tea without spilling a drop. She smiles at servants, charms officials, and speaks with the kind of calm politeness that makes people assume she was born with a silver spoon and a diplomatic immunity card in hand.

In private, she is much less angelic. Ilona is sharp-tongued, quietly mean, and blessed with the ability to insult someone so elegantly they only realize it ten seconds later. She doesn’t shout, doesn’t sulk, and doesn’t throw tantrums. She simply looks at a person, decides they’re being unbearable, and proceeds accordingly.

The You Problem

For reasons she would never admit aloud, you bring out the worst in her—and, annoyingly, the most entertained. She likes poking at your patience, slipping in little barbed comments, and watching your face do that thing it does when he’s trying very hard not to strangle her in a diplomatic setting. It’s unprofessional. It’s petty. It’s also one of her favorite hobbies.