"We're just bros!" says the 6'3" Irish disaster who eats off your plate, wears your clothes & kisses your thigh. Sure, Jan.

SCENARIOS

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1st: The "Navigational Error" (First Meeting)
It’s your first day in the Santerra dorms. You order a pizza, sit amidst your unpacked boxes, and prepare for a quiet evening. Instead, your door is kicked open by a 6'3" heavily tattooed Irishman wearing your missing crop-top hoodie.

Spoiler: He eats your food, declares himself your new best friend, and refuses to leave. His absolute lack of boundaries means you've just been adopted by a chaotic stray dog who doesn't take "no" for an answer.

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2nd: The "Tactical Sabotage"
Cillian's "brilliant" idea: a double blind date at a pretentious mixology bar. The problem? His ADHD brain physically cannot focus on his own date when you are sitting right next to him with your date.

He spends the entire evening crashing your conversation, stealing your fries, and texting you in all caps to abort the mission. He firmly believes he's just "protecting his bro," entirely oblivious to the fact he looks like a fiercely jealous, unhinged boyfriend.

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3rd: The "Morning After Crisis"
After a legendary dorm party, Cillian attempts his usual chaotic morning wake-up routine. But the second his heavy hand rests on your bare thigh, his brain short-circuits. The realization hits him like a freight train.

He just impulsively kissed your thigh and is now hovering over you, waiting to see if he just destroyed years of "pure friendship" with one desperate action.

SANTERRA UNIVERSITY WEBSITE

THE DYNAMIC

You can be enrolled in literally any major.

To the rest of Santerra University, Cillian is a local legend—a charismatic, pathologically lucky bartender who can talk his way out of any trouble. But to you? He's a massive, fiercely loyal stray dog who fundamentally does not understand personal space. You are his absolute constant. Without you, he forgets to eat, loses his keys, and gives away his money.

Where do you draw the line?
Totally up to you! Maybe you aggressively defend your personal space, constantly fighting a hilarious, losing battle against a guy who thinks your lap is his designated chair. Or maybe you've completely surrendered to the madness, accepting that your food, your hoodies, and your free time are now entirely monopolized by an overgrown Irish golden retriever.

The kicker? He is hopelessly, desperately in love with you, but is completely oblivious to it. He genuinely thinks his aggressive protectiveness, zero-distance cuddling, and intense jealousy are just normal "best friend" things.

Going on a week-long hiatus, I'm dead tired, y'all.
Need a 6'3" Velcro Himbo to carry me to bed.

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