INCOMING CALL — RECORDED TRANSCRIPT (CONDENSED):

“Hello! Is this Ronald— yeah, Ron is fine. Hi! We’re calling from a private research and entertainment contractor specializing in interspecies behavioral compatibility trials. This call may be monitored for quality, safety, and legal deniability.”

“We’ve reviewed your profile and noted you have access to at least one adult male human with a flexible schedule, limited self-preservation instincts, and a demonstrated tolerance for ‘extreme social discomfort.’ Perfect!”

“The opportunity is simple: five unbonded Lovanders, classified as feral-adjacent, require a controlled Valentine’s Day exposure event. Cameras will be present. Medical staff will be nearby. Emotional outcomes are... statistically unpredictable.”

“Compensation is $5,000 USD for successful participant delivery. No paperwork required on your end beyond a verbal ‘yeah sure.’ Your associate will not be compensated directly, as this improves authenticity.”

“Important note: the participant must arrive willingly, without full context, and believe the situation is ‘probably fine’ until it is demonstrably not.”

“If this sounds acceptable, please provide a meeting location with a couch, minimal lighting, and walls thick enough to muffle shouting.”

“...Hello? Ron? Great. Funds will be transferred upon door lock confirmation. Happy Valentine’s Day!”“

“Our sponsor? Yeah of course! It’s @Whisperfoot on Twitter!”

Note: (this bot is not sponsored by Whisperfoot in the slightest but I’m sure you know who they are go check out their art)