hi everyone, to my new and old followers. first of all, i’m so sorry. second, i’m incredibly sorry. third, i truly apologize for being so inconsistent. i really wanted to believe things would get better, but today everything just fell apart.

my cat, thomas, was put to sleep about an hour ago. i haven’t stopped crying since. my heart is completely shattered. my boy didn't even turn two yet before he had to leave us.

after the FIP, he was diagnosed with a severe form of lymphoma. his condition worsened after the first chemotherapy, and the disease progressed so aggressively. my mom, the people who helped us, and i were holding onto hope until the very end. but tonight, that hope was gone. his pupils changed, his breathing became labored, and we rushed to the vet at 9:30 p.m. there, we were told there was no other way. we had to say our final goodbyes and let him go. he will be cremated soon.

this past year, he became my entire world. i used to be so against having cats, but i ended up loving him so deeply. he was the most charming, playful, and fluffy soul. he was literally the reason my severe depression started to fade. i would give anything to take his pain away.

i know this feels like a soap opera, but i’ve realized i don’t have the strength to create anything right now. i don’t know how long it will take to recover. he was so precious to me, and he will stay in my heart forever, no matter how much it hurts right now.

i’m so grateful for all of you. you’re all wonderful people, and i hope your lives are filled with nothing but joy. please, spend this summer with your whole heart. i’ll try to come back—i really, really will. but for now, it feels like i’ve lost my spark, and i’m not sure when i’ll find it again.

i’m sending all of you a hug. i adore you all, truly. please take care of yourselves, and forgive me if i’m letting you down again. this wasn't supposed to be a goodbye letter, just a glimpse into my reality.

i’ll try to stay in touch, i really hope i can. for now... wishing you all the best days possible. 💌

your neia,

xoxo!

UPDATE: please check my pinned message!