Hey guys

This is a little more serious and shi. Tw: some mentions of $uicide and stuff like that

So I live with my parents still at the age of 19, just until i can find an apartment or a home or anywhere to live, ill probs move in with my bf at some point idk.

But anyways, we were going out to get tacos and stuff bc we get tacos every Wednesday/Thursday for dinner and stuff and we order what I usually get, a single taco with a large rice, and they prder their stuff and what not, they call us up to get our order and I'm checking it's we get back in the car to grab my food since I eat in the car, and they forget my tack and rice, my whole entire order that was like 20 dollars.

They say, "Oh, it's fine just give us the money for the food you didn't get." Mind you THEY HAVENT EVEN STARTED THE CAR YET. So I'm obviously pissed and say I'm not paying for it, I can just tell the worker they forgot my order, and as soon as I'm about to get out my dad locks the doors and starts driving off so I'm like "I'm not paying for my food even if we leave, your the ones wasting 20 dollars" and shit and they fucking yell at me for no reason because of that, saying I'm an ungrateful brat and so many worse things like a f@g bc I came out to them a few years ago when I was like 15 or 16 and said they would kick me out if I wasn't straight so I js said it was a joke and stuff back then.

So thenwe get back to the house, I let my puppy out to use the bathroom outside and my mom tells be tograb my rings I forgot, I said "okay" in like a quiet tone and she like "answer me, you brat!" So I raise my voice SLIGHTLY so it's a TINY bit louder and my dad fucking yells at me for "yelling" at my mom when she's the one always yelling and can't hear shit. So I say i wasn't yelling, he is about to hit me and I start crying cuz I'm a sensitive bitch and then he screams at me for crying. So yeah, they've just been really REALLY rough on me in like a BAD way and I heard them talkkngabout me in the living room while I was in the bathroom crying and throwing up and they said "She's such a difficult child, I wish we picked out a different one at the adoption center" (bc I'm adopted if yall didn't know) and a bunch of worse things. So now I'm over here in the bathroom cutting myself and deciding whether I should kms or not.

I'm trying to stay strong, I really am guys but I just can't do it anymore.

They told me icsntsend letters to my boyfriend while he's at an art camp for his college or smth because "I lost privileges" and bullshit like that

So now he's gonna over think a bunch and probably gonna be pissed at me too for not sending letters cuz he's very depressed and has high anxiety, so now I have no way of contacting him for the next few weeks and reassuring him that he's litterally the best boyfriend in the world and it's all gonna be my fault and I'm scared he'll break up with me bc he doesn't know i can't send him letters now.

Idk I js feel so bad, mentally and physically. I can't do it anymore but I'm trying not to commit just for him. For my friends too bc I'm the therapist friend, but mostly for my bf.

I'm probs gonna take a break from making charecters for a while and stuff. I'll give yall a few updates so you guys can know if I'm okay or not.

Stay safe guys. I love you.