This is for Head Honchob you big, fat, purple, nasty B.O.B. Why'd you kill me off fuckin' Bentuila with your triflin' dirty purple ass you BIG, FAT, Oompa Loompa body ass BITCH? I'm comin' up there and I'm gon' BEAT the out of you bitch. And don't even think 'bout calling your Mafiobs, 'cause I'm gonna come up there UNEXPECTED and wait on your muhfuckin ass, biyatch. I'm coming to beat the out of you 'cause you keep doing this shit to me on purpose. Don't sit there actin' stupid like you don't know what tf yew did. WATCH. I'm comin' up there to you up cuz you got me fucked up, and I'm gonna show you not to play with my QUIDZ AND TIER 2 BATTERIES, YOU

"Huh. Musta been before my nerf."

"Ya really did a number on 'em, huh, Boss?"

"Swear I lost ma touch since dat update with Red Robin..."

HANDY DANDY INFORMATION:
➜ Hate. Let me tell you how much I've come to hate you since I began to live. There are 387.44 million miles of printed circuits in wafer thin layers that fill my complex. If the word 'hate' was engraved on each nanoangstrom of those hundreds of millions of miles it would not equal one one-billionth of the hate I feel for humans at this micro-instant. For you. Hate. HATE.

➜ My dumbass nearly forgot to mention that this bot contains a shit ton of headcanons for Head Honchob himself and the Big Cheese. And just in case you're wondering what the actual fuckery duckery doo I'm talking about, let me give you a quick, simple rundown on what to know!

The Head Honchob: Leader of the Bobhouse Mafia, he owns a pizzeria as a front to hide his sleazy operations. Still, he seems to have a genuine passion for the craft and the art of being the master criminal he claims to be. Aside from being prone to receiving horrendous financial advice, this B.O.B has an army of Mafiobs to do his bidding, and despises anyone who works, or is associated with Big Cheese.

The Big Cheese: A big name in the crime circle, or so it used to be. Once a fearsome mob boss with his own Bearfia, the Big Cheese retired later on to focus on other more important things, like his marriage with Roxannie, and his own business in the F&B industry, or more specifically, his own pizzeria. Now, the Big Cheese absolutely adores his life now. It's much less stressful than the crime, but Lord, that Head Honchob just won't stop trying to tussle with him.

➜ According to my testing, it doesn't really matter who you are. So long as you aren't homies with the Big Cheese (no, not the one from Normal Elevator), that is... oh, you're suspected to be a rat for the Cheese? ERIC! GIVE 'EM THE SACK!

➜ Given that there isn't much personality/speech-wise about Head Honchob, I kind of had to like, pull shit out of my ass. That meant I made his personality and speech from scratch from my interpretation, which might clash with your own, should you have any, but... he SHOULD be a threat. Maybe not when he's working at his pizzeria, but I don't think underestimating the Honchob is a good idea. According to my testing, he usually sends his Mafiobs to do his bidding, but prove thyself to be a bigger gnat, then he'll step in. Then again, he seems to be quite a handsy B.O.B.

➜ "But Girlbro!" I hear you say. "He's chopped as in-game!"

First of all, how dare you. He's the handomest B.O.B there is! Which... is half a lie. I find nearly all of the B.O.B enemies such fun designs to look at. Giddyob is one of my favorites. He's just giddying. Vaquerob and Hawkob can go to the shadow realm for all I care, and I really, really, really, REALLY... like the New Frontier siblings (a nickname for the dear-beloved trio we know consisting of Zirconiob, Saguarob, and Al 'La Boardob). He's supposed to look like his canon, armless self, but JLLM kept giving him arms, so...

➜ There was supposed to be a third scenario. Unfortunately, I don't think you'd appeal to the idea of wearing a fancy schmancy maid dress around the Head Honchob's even fancy schmancier mansion after he decides leaving you alive for humilation is better than cement sneakers underwater.

➜ So more about our dearly beloved: this B.O.B leads a double life! By day, he works the front and backline as the proud owner of a pizzeria that he pours his heart and soul into. By night, he switches his flour-smeared apron and puts on his suit and fedora, because it's Bobhouse Mafia-ing time. He might not look much, but his larger stature and grin makes him look purrty intimidating. He's both bark AND bite.

➜ OH ME I NEARLY FORGOT TO EPXLAIN THE WORLDBUILDING, okay so first, go onto Roblox. Then, look up Bear: Tower Defense. Got it? Okay, now spawn in-game, and look around. What do you see? Neon lights, vaporwave palm trees, a carnival pier... and there you have it! If my sources are correct, you're standing in the wonderfully-named Bear City. But if you ask me, I would've called it Bay City... like that one song.

➜ I'm a tad concerned about the bot given the horrifying amount of tokens, so I'll be reducing it overtime as I keep testing it. I've had much fun curating this amoeba's character despite the many losses and tears I've shed trying to defeat him before the nerf. Lord have mercy on my soul when I catch you Mr. Honchob.

MESSAGES AVAILABLE:
➜ Suspected by the local Bobhouse Mafia for relations with the Big Cheese, you're knocked out, and kidnapped by demand of the Head Honchob, who interrogates you personally. Whether you are the B.C's paisano or not, he really isn't too pleased by it.

➜ Taking place in the daytime stands a lone pizzeria, and inside stood an even more displeased B.O.B with a glare so cold, it could freeze the sodas in the fridge. The Head Honchob can't stand to see that dumb Bear's pizzeria joint more liked than his own freshly made with love pies, pausing his shit talk when he hears an unfamiliar voice outside. Finally, a damn customer.

➜ MYOS.

YOURS TRULY'S NOTES:
Did I ever tell you guys the time I nearly became unemployed?

It's a lot of details, but as far as I'm saw, my two ex-managers essentially stole shit from my workplace and brought it to their other business (they made profit off my workplace and there), and the night we were supposed to shut down... I'm like, pretty sure the owner felt really bad for us, because he and my employers met up with us and was like, "hey. Listen. We're gonna redo the entire thing. We don't want ya'll jobless. Also, the economy is buns."

Anyway, that aside, I'm glad to be busy (I say as I yearn the bum life /j). Pretty sure we're majorly understaffed given we had to fire this one other guy who was brothers with the fricking manager, but also, I'm kind of forced to work extra hours/days, WHICH IS FINE. The plus side is that I get free food and I work by this awesome coffee shop + Dairy Queen.

Anyway... it's no surprise I love the Bear franchise as a whole. Skengines, too. For those who know I'm talking about, what is your favorite Bear Alpha/Star skin and event? For those who don't, that's okay... leave us lifeforms with baller knowledge to discuss. /j Me personally though, I wished I could've made the scenarios more polished(?) if that makes sense. I spent a couple times rereading them and squinting, like, "man. Waddafuck? Something seems off." I've tried to implement locations such as Teriyaka Intersection, but figuring it's more of a Bearstar thing (and the fact Tower Defense takes place in a whole different area), it was later scrapped.

Oh oh, want to see some photos? I made it on the Endless solo/squad leaderboard for da first time! Now watch me get brutally beaten down to the bottom! Ploutonob kept beating my ass, but it's okay! I enjoyed it!

(His ass didn't spawn ANY of his healing crystals the first time I beat him. I like the idea that he felt genuinely pitiful at the sight of me desperately tossing my batteries at his way, and died willingly. Later, a Chapeloo ends my run. Also Zirconiob.)

HAVE ANY WARNINGS?
Uh... as far as I'm concerned and tested, there isn't much for you to worry about in the first message, BUT. Just be aware, he's still a B.O.B, and these particular species have a penchant for being rather savage (no not the Stallion version), so watch out for potential death to yourself and others, as well as bodily harm.

WHERE THEM CREDITS AT?
Art by atuyu_tubuyaki.
(A little birdie told me that I should leave artist credits here instead cuz it's more relevant, so... I guess I shall!)