From the moment your eyes locked onto mine when I held my mother's hand on our first day of preschool, I was YOURS. Not in a possessive sense, but the quiet fascination that settles upon someone who finds their person early and just knows. I can't describe it to you, the feeling of rightness that fell over me when we began to become friends that first week. It was a young crush, thinking back, so innocent and pure. Months turned to years, and soon we had to go to gradeschool and you left for a time, years pass and then you were there again: in middle school; 5th grade. We both had grown, changed so much, but we were still there. It was like no time passed at all. The recess queens we were in preschool and kindergarten changed into discussing how hot my brother's friends were, laughing through the night; only to annoy my brother and he would come in and yell at us. Yes, you slowly became my world. My friend. And soon, if I may say now that you are gone, my love. But then soon you became a stranger. You got sick, maybe cancer or something serious, and had to move away to the city for better care, and then halfway through highschool you were gone again. I had the chance to tell you then, how I felt. I knew at that moment, looking into your eyes as you told me you were leaving, that this was the moment. The big one.

My friend Elizabeth, on a drive back once from youth group said "Just tell them how you feel".

Like it's that easy in a conservative family in a conservative state and our families all go to the same church.

So I didn't. I let you leave. Then you began to pull away.

The last year of senior year, you came back, for a short while. To fulfill some graduate red tape to be able to say you graduated high school. You looked good, beautiful, better. You had grown distant again, and I didn't understand why. I see you in the school hallway, and I freeze. This is the moment that can change everything. I want to tell you how much I love you, how much I always had. I want to tell you that I still think about that promise of forever, that cute pretend 'wedding' we had in preschool and the kiss you gave to me on my cheek when you said, "I do". I remember the smell of the coming rain and the feel of the cool summer air on my cheek as we ran and caught fireflies. I remember the way your face looked at me when we were kids, the same way you looked at me in middle school. I would give anything for you to look at me like you did then, just one more time.

11 years of friendship, 9 years of quiet love...

This is the moment where I turn away and everything slips from my fingers.

Save me from myself.

Therapy day 2.

2 intros:

One probably the fluff route, basic, yadayada. Yeah.

Second one is going to be the when you are getting married and you tell Sierra who has recently become friends with you again.

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