HELLO EVERYONE...

MERRY CHRISTMAS, YOU FILTHY ANIMALS!

HAPPY HOLIDAYS, ECT, ECT!!

THERE WILL BE A NEW BOT BEFORE 2026 STARTS.... DON’T WORRY.

Anyway. Have all the lyrics to holiday related songs I love that are easily forgotten.

YOUTUBE LINKS ARE IN THE BOT’S OPENING MESSAGE IF YOU WANNA LISTEN TO ANY!!

THE NIGHT SANTA WENT CRAZY BY “WEIRD AL” YANKOVIC

Down in the workshop, all the elves were making toys
For the good Gentile girls and the good Gentile boys
When the boss busted in, nearly scared 'em half to death
Had a rifle in his hands and cheap whiskey on his breath

From his beard to his boots, he was covered with ammo
Like a big fat drunk disgruntled Yuletide Rambo
And he smiled as he said, with a twinkle in his eye
"Merry Christmas to all, now you're all gonna die!"

The night Santa went crazy
The night Saint Nick went insane
Realized he'd been getting a raw deal
Something finally must've snapped in his brain

Well, the workshop is gone now, he decided to bomb it
Everywhere you'll find pieces of Cupid and Comet
And he tied up his helpers and he held the elves hostage
And he ground up poor Rudolph into reindeer sausage

He got Dancer and Prancer with and old German Luger
And he slashed up Dasher just like Freddy Krueger
Then he picked up a flamethrower and he barbecued Blitzen
And he took a big bite and said, "It tastes just like chicken!"

The night Santa went crazy
The night Kris Kringle went nuts, now you
Can't hardly walk around the North Pole
Without stepping in reindeer guts

There's the National Guard and the FBI
There's a van from the Eyewitness News
And helicopters circling 'round in the sky
And the bullets are flying, the body count's rising
And everyone's dying to know, oh, Santa, why?
My, my, my, my, my, my, you used to be such a jolly guy

Yes, Virginia, now Santa's doing time
In a federal prison for his infamous crime
Hey, little friend now, don't you cry no more tears
He'll be out with good behavior in seven hundred more years

But now Vixen's in therapy and Donner's still nervous
And the elves all got jobs working for the postal service
And they say Mrs. Claus, she's on the phone every night
With a lawyer negotiating the movie rights, they're talkin' 'bout

The night Santa went crazy
The night Saint Nicholas flipped
Broke his back for some milk and cookies
Sounds to me like he was tired of getting gypped

Whoa, the night Santa went crazy
The night Saint Nick went insane
Realized he'd been getting a raw deal
Something finally must've snapped in his brain
Whoa, something finally must've snapped in his brain
Tell ya, something finally must've snapped in his brain!

CHRISTMAS AT GROUND ZERO BY “WEIRD AL” YANKOVIC

It's Christmas at ground zero
There's music in the air
The sleigh bells are ringing, and the carolers are singing
While the air-raid sirens blare

It's Christmas at ground zero
The button has been pressed
The radio just let us know
That this is not a test

Everywhere the atom bombs are dropping
It's the end of all humanity
No more time for last-minute shopping
It's time to face your final destiny

It's Christmas at ground zero
There's panic in the crowd
We can dodge debris while we trim the tree
Underneath the mushroom cloud

You might hear some reindeer on your rooftop
Or Jack Frost on your windowsill
But if someone's climbing down your chimney
You better load your gun and shoot to kill

Oh, it's Christmas at ground zero
And if the radiation level's okay
I'll go out with you and see all the new
Mutations on New Year's Day

It's Christmas at ground zero
Just seconds left to go
I'll duck and cover with my Yuletide lover
Underneath the mistletoe

It's Christmas at ground zero
Now the missiles are on their way
What a crazy fluke, we're gonna get nuked
On this jolly holiday
What a crazy fluke, we're gonna get nuked
On this jolly holiday!

THE CHANUKAH SONG BY ADAM SANDLER

"Okay...
This is a song that uhh..
There's a lot of Christmas songs out there and uhh..
not too many Chanukah songs.
So uhh..
I wrote a song for all those nice little Jewish kids who don't get to hear
any Chanukah songs.
Here we go..."

Put on your yarmulke
Here comes Chanukah
So much funukah
To celebrate Chanukah
Chanukah is the festival of lights
Instead of one day of presents, we have eight crazy nights

When you feel like the only kid in town without a Christmas tree
Here's a list of people who are Jewish just like you and me
David Lee Roth lights the menorah
So do James Caan, Kirk Douglas, and the late Dinah Shore-ah

Guess who eats together at the Carnegie Deli
Bowser from Sha Na Na and Arthur Fonzerelli
Paul Newman's half Jewish, Goldie Hawn's half too
Put them together, what a fine lookin' Jew

You don't need "Deck The Halls" or "Jingle Bell Rock"
'Cause you can spin a dreidel with Captain Kirk and Mr. Spock- both Jewish

Put on your yarmulke
It's time for Chanukah
The owner of the Seattle Supersonicahs
Celebrates Chanukah

O.J. Simpson, not a Jew
But guess who is? Hall of famer Rod Carew- he converted
We got Ann Landers and her sister Dear Abby
Harrison Ford's a quarter Jewish- not too shabby

Some people think that Ebenezer Scrooge is
Well he's not, but guess who is
All three Stooges
So many Jews are in showbiz
Tom Cruise isn't, but I heard his agent is

Tell your friend Veronica
It's time to celebrate Chanukah
I hope I get a harmonicah
Oh this lovely, lovely Chanukah
So drink your gin and tonicah
And smoke your marijuanikah
If you really, really wannakah
Have a happy, happy, happy, happy Chanukah
Happy Chanukah

THE CHANUKAH SONG PART II. BY ADAM SANDLER

Put on your yarmulka
Its time for Chanukah
So much funnaka
To celebrate Chanukah

Chanukah is the festival of lights
Instead of one day of presents
We get eight crazy nights

When you feel like the only kid in town
Without a Christmas tree
Here's a new list of people who are Jewish
Just like you and me

Winona Ryder,
Drinks Manischewitz wine
Then spins a draydle with Ralph Lauren and Calvin Klein

Guess who gives and receives
Loads of Chanukah toys
The girls from Veruca Salt and all three Beastie Boys

Lenny Kravitz is half Jewish,
Courtney Love is half too
Put them together
What a funky bad ass Jew

We got Harvey Keitel
And flash dancer Jennifer Beals
Yasmine Bleeth from Baywatch is Jewish
And yes her boobs are real

Put on your yarmulka
Its time for Chanukah
2 time Ocsar winner Dustin Hoffmanaka
Celebrates Chanukah

O.J. Simpson
Still not a Jew
But guess who is,
The guy who does the voice for Scooby Doo

Bob Dylan was born a Jew
Then he wasn't
But now he's back,
Mary Tyler Moore's husband is Jewish
'Cause we're pretty good in the sack.

Guess who got bar-mitzvahed
On the PGA tour
No I'm not talking about Tiger Woods
I'm talkin' about Mr. Happy Gilmore.

So many Jews are in the show biz
Bruce Springsteen isn't Jewish
But my mother thinks he is.

Tell Daryle Lamonica
It's time to celebrate Chanukah
It's not pronounced Ch-nakah
The C is silent in Chanukah
So read your hooked on phonica
Get drunk in Tijuanaka
If you really really wannaka
Have a happy happy happy happy Chanukah!

MERRY CHRISTMAS (IF THAT’S OKAY) FROM MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3000

Mike: Crow, Tom and I have written and are going to perform an original Christmas Carol.

Crow: Uh, Mike, it's NOT just for Christmas It's for holidays of ALL faiths.

Tom: And don't call it a 'carol' because Carol is a woman's name and we want this to be all-inclusive.

Mike: Okay, why don't you hit it, Cambot? (Music starts)

Mike: (singing) Let us all now sing our praises to the Lord today!

Although you may not share our beliefs system

Which is perfectly OKAY

Crow: Maybe you worship an abstract being that is kind of vague

Or maybe you just worship a guy who's name is Greg

Tom: Perhaps your religion doesn't include a time called 'Lent'

But whatever your religion is, we support you 100 percent!

Mike: (as Tom harmonizes) So sit around the fire

And have a chestnut roast

Or raise a glass in toast

To Happy Day's

Mike and Tom: Donnie Most!

Tom: But if you prefer to eat Indian food on Christmas Day

I can only shrug my shoulders and say "Namaste"

Crow: (as Mike and Tom harmonizes) Personally I prefer

Turkey, gravy and salad

But let's never forget

All cultures

All: Are valid!


Mike: (as Tom "Ooo's" down a scale twice until Crow sings) So let's have peace on earth and cut out all the bull.

Crow: Moooooooo!

Mike: Let's have a holiday season that's multi-cultural.

Crow: If there's one point we'd like to make

With this festive holiday song

Tom: It's that Christmas comes

Just once a year

So for a few days

For crying out loud!


All: Can we all just get along?!?

LET’S HAVE A PATRICK SWAYZE CHRISTMAS FROM MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3000

TOM

Open up your heart and let the

Patrick Swayze Christmas in

CROW

We'll gather at the Road House

With our next of kin

JOEL

And Santa can be

Our regular Saturday Night thing

ALL

We'll decorate a barstool

And gather 'round and sing

TOM

Oh

Let's have a Patrick Swayze

Christmas this year!

CROW

Or we'll tear your throat out

And kick you in the ear

Joel Robinson: Hold it, hold it a sec. Cambot, stop it.

[music stops]

Joel Robinson: Uh, Crow, I don't know if I think this is an appropriate sentiment anymore for Christmas.

Crow T. Robot: Hey, what? Like a good action sequence don't belong at Christmas?

Joel Robinson: Well, no, it's just that I've never heard of an action sequence in a Christmas carol before.

Crow T. Robot: Well, then grab hold of your socks and read on, Joel Robinson!

Tom Servo: Okay, pick it up from measure 20, Cambot.

[music resumes]

Tom Servo: Lovely intro, though. Very tasteful.

Crow T. Robot: Thank you.

TOM

It's my way or the highway

This Christmas at my bar

CROW

I'll have to smash your kneecaps if

You bastards touch my car

JOEL

I got the word that Santa has been

Stealing from the till

ALL

I think that that right jolly old elf

Better make out his will

Oh

Let's have a Patrick Swayze

Christmas one and all

And this can be the haziest...

This can be the laziest...

This can be the Swayziest

Christmas of them all!

TOM

La la la la la la

Ha ha!

Crow T. Robot: How long before it becomes a standard?

Joel Robinson: I think you've gotta come with me. C'mon!

[Joel drags Crow out]

“CHRISTMAS VACATION” FROM NATIONAL LAMPOON’S CHRISTMAS VACATION

It's that time, Christmas time is here
Everybody knows, there's not a better time of year
Hear that sleigh, Santa's on his way
Hip, hip hooray, for Christmas vacation

Gotta a ton of stuff to celebrate
(Jing-a-ling-a-ling-a-ling-ling)
Now it's getting closer, I can't wait
(Jang-a-lang-a-lang-a-lang-lang)
Gonna make this holiday as perfect as can be
Just wait and see this Christmas vacation

This old house, sure is looking good
Got ourselves the finest snowman in the neighborhood
Ain't it fun, always on the run
That's how it's done on Christmas vacation

Let's all deck the halls and light the lights
(Jing-a-ling-a-ling-a-ling-ling)
Get a toasty fire burning bright
(Jang-a-lang-a-lang-a-lang-lang)
Give St. Nick the warmest welcome that he's ever had
We're so glad it Christmas vacation

And when the nights are peaceful and serene
We can cuddle up and do our Christmas dreaming

Jing-a-ling-a-ling-a-ling-ling
Jang-a-lang-a-lang-a-lang-lang

Christmas vacation [repeat]

We're so glad it's Christmas vacation

Peace and joy and love are everywhere
(Jing-a-ling-a-ling-a-ling-ling)
You can feel the magic in the air
(Jang-a-lang-a-lang-a-lang-lang)
Let the spirit of the season carry us away
Hip, hip, hooray for Christmas Vacation

Fa, la, la, la, la and ho, ho, ho
Jingle, jangle, jingle as we go
Let the spirit of the season
Carry us away